Out of the blue last night, XW called at about 10:40. I was getting ready to go to bed when the phone rang. She called to tell me about her weekend plans with S16. Then she started to complain about my FB page. Even though she deleted me as a friend, she apparently still checks out my page. Whatever. She started yelling at me and I told her to stop or I will hang up. She wouldn't, so I hung up. A few minutes later, I got a 5 page text telling me everything that I did wrong in our marriage. I didn't want to get into an argument so I did not respond. A few minutes later, she texted me and asked if I was still awake. I told her I was and then the phone rang. It was her. I let her ramble for a few minutes and then she settled down. We talked about EVERYTHING....her job, mine, her friend that has a brain tumor and more. Some of the highlights of our conversation:
* TOLD ME THAT SHE HAS BEEN TRYING TO FEEL SOMETHING FOR ME FOR THE LAST YEAR BUT CAN'T
* SAYS SHE DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT SHE WANTED WHEN SHE MOVED OUT. SHE JUST NEEDED TO GET AWAY FROM ME
* ASKED IF I WAS SEEING ANYONE. I WAS HONEST AND SAID SORT OF BUT NOTHING SERIOUS. SHE DIDN'T PRESS THE ISSUE. * THEN SHE WANTED TO KNOW HER: NAME AGE NATIONALITY
* INSISTED THAT OM IS JUST A FRIEND AND SAYS THAT SHE HAS NOT SLEPT WITH HIM
* ADMITTED TO GOING ON A DATE WITH A MATH PROFESSOR AT HER WORK, BUT IT WAS A ONE TIME DEAL.
* TOLD ME THAT WE CAN'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I WANT ALL OR NOTHING AND SHE CAN'T GIVE ME "THAT" PART OF HER RIGHT NOW.
* SAID THAT I NEVER LISTENED TO HER
* SAID THAT SHE FELT WORTHLESS, WHEN I TOLD HER THAT SHE ISN'T WORTHLESS, SHE SAID SHE KNOWS SHE ISN'T
* TOLD ME THAT IF WE CAN STOP THE FIGHTING, ARGUING AND REHASHING OF EVENTS OF THE LAST YEAR, WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO GO TO LUNCH SOMETIME
* SAID THAT RIGHT NOW, I HAVE NO RIGHT TO ASK HER FOR ANYHTING INCLUDING LUNCH
* SAID THAT SHE HASN'T SLEPT FOR MONTHS
* IT MAKES HER SAD TO BE DIVORCED
* SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BE SINGLE
* SHE HATES BEING ALONE
* WANTS S16 FOR ENTIRE THANKSGIVING WEEKEND. I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT HER ON IT.
* CONFUSED ME BY SAYING "YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED" AND LESS THAN A MINUTE LATER SAYS "YOUR NEXT WIFE WILL BE LUCKY AND GET THE BEST OF YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH."
* SAID THAT SHE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO FEELINGS FOR ME.
* ASKED ME WHAT MY FAMILY THOUGHT OF HER
* WANTED TO KNOW IF I TOLD MY FRIENDS ALL OF THE THINGS THAT SHE HAS DONE
* SAID THAT SHE HAS TO GET A SECOND JOB BECAUSE I AM "MAKING" HER PAY CHILD SUPPORT
* SAID DIVORCE IS MY FAULT BECAUSE I WOULDN'T GIVE HER SPACE THAT SHE NEEDED
* WHEN ASKED WHY SHE COULDN'T QUIT TALKING TO OM, SHE SAID SHE DID FOR AWHILE, BUT COULDN'T ANSWER WHY SHE STARTED TALKING TO HIM AGAIN
* ADMITTED THAT GOING ON THE DATING SITE WAS WRONG
* SAID THAT SHE HOPED I DON'T LOSE THE HOUSE
* SAYS THAT SHE HAS BEEN MISERABLE FOR YEARS
* SAID OM HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HER DEPARTURE AND WOULD HAVE LEFT ANYWAYS
* WHEN I ASKED ABOUT THE TWO "WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY" I HAD TO MAKE HER STAY AND WHY SHE TOLD ME AFTER THE FACT, SHE SAID THAT I WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO KNOW
* BLAMED ME FOR CANCELLING OUR COUNSELING SESSIONS
* SAID THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT OUR SONS TO HAVE A REPLACEMENT MOTHER
* SAID SHE NEVER FELT NUMBER ONE WITH ME
* TOLD ME THAT SHE USED TO LOVE ME "SO F*CKING MUCH"
* SAID WE WILL NEVER BE A COUPLE AGAIN
* TOLD ME TO NOT TELL HER HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER ANYMORE BECAUSE SHE KNOWS
* ACCUSED ME OF LYING TO HER FOR YEARS
* SAID SHE WAS TIRED OF FEELING UNIMPORTANT TO ME
We had a very long conversation. Even though it started rough, it ended up being nice. I tried to validate as much as I could. It was getting late so she said she was laying down. I told her that if I was there, I could massage her forehead like I used to. She said "Yeah." We talked for a very long time while she laid in bed. When she told me that she had to get up at 5AM, I told her that I would let her go. She acted like she didn't want me to hang up, so I talked some more. I could tell she was getting sleepy.
Finally, my phone started beeping because the battery was going dead. I told her and she said that we should probably go. I said "I love you" and she said "goodbye." I hung up and noticed that the time was 3:55AM! We talked all night.
Needless to say, I got no sleep because I layed there wide awake thinking about our talk.
This morning, I got a text from her stating that she thought about things all night and told me again that she did not want our sons to have a replacement mother. She also said that she would like to ask me some questions about some of the things I said to her. I told her that maybe we can talk when we both have a free moment. She did not respond.
Wow. The funny thing is that the hurtful things she said did not hurt as much as they used to. Also, everytime she would say something to give me hope, she would say somthing to shoot it down. Or....she would say something to shoot me down and then say something to give me hope. Yes, I'm still going in circles.
I would love your comments please.
Tad
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
