Youngster Questions Reality, WAW Moves On...

[westcoastfella]

25: Thank you so much for the feedback, it is always appreciated. The more that I learn about the details of your sitch, the more that I am inspired by all that you had to endure -- work, being a single mom for three, sub-zero temperatures, the time span of it all, etc. Now I am even more inspired by the impressive list of ways that you GAL-ed during that time.

I THINK that we LBSers used to think, before our "awakenings" or epiphanies, that somehow going to the dark place, kept the WAS there too...but it doesn't. It only makes US in a dark place. The WAS is off on their own having a good time or a bad time completely UNrelated to what we are doing or thinking or feeling. Believe it or not, this simple and sort of obvious realization is actually a big step for you when it sinks in. Let it sink in.

I also think that we do it because it's easy and it comes all too naturally. Who knows why that is? Either way...it is sinking in.

Aristotle said "Happiness is a virtue" b/c he knew it does not just "happen to the lucky ones"...it's a choice and it IS an active choice requiring action of some sort...kind of like how LOVING SOMEONE IS AN ACTIVE CHOICE - REQUIRING ACTION OF SOME SORT...every day...

If you practice this simple but challenging approach to life, you will be a happier man.

Isn't that a wonderful thing to KNOW??

It really, truly is. And it is a knowledge that becomes more apparent as I practice it, day by day.

Another problem is my work. Work is great and has allowed me to get out with my co-workers to go to dinner. However, I won't lie when I say that women outnumber men in my profession greatly. Any guys are usually in higher positions or work in the back offices.

I don't get it. What is the problem here?

I think perhaps I see it this way: most of the women there are older than me and have families, so they're already booked pretty solid. If they're my age, they're usually married or have boyfriends. Given how my W met OM, I'm rather paranoid at the notion of some girl having to tell her man, "He's just a friend..."

Still, I'll keep my eyes peeled for opportunities. I was recently able to go to a Vietnamese engagement party for one of my female co-workers...

Look at my GAL list and see that more than half cost me little OR NOTHING...and prioritize...what rainy day are you saving for?

I'm noticing that a lot of suggested GAL activities on this site are free or cost very little. Plus, my dad was promoted a few years ago and makes much more money than he used to, so now he's able to help us out when things are tight. Plus, Christmas is coming up, which usually means extra $$$...

I WILL WRITE MORE WHEN I CAN...

Thank you. Like I said before, whatever you write always proves to be a big help.

I am like you, not very keen on social situations and do not enjoy meeting people for the first time. I have been more able to do it when I had W with me, but now I have to stand on my own two feet.

I'm glad to hear that your dance class experience went well. I believe that overcoming my fears of socializing and doing things in front of people will be one of my big GAL goals. 25 mentioned acting, which I have never officially done. I have to admit, the thought of acting in front of a crowd makes me quail, but I have always been very interested in it and some people have told me that I would make a good actor.

Dance classes sound cool, too. I'm a horrible dancer and would love some formal instruction.

Wait for a day, then simply text back, "Thank you."

I took your advice as it was not too far from what I would have done anyway. "Polite yet distant" seems to be the mode that I'm comfortable with. As soon as I sent it this afternoon, she texted me back, which led to this exchange.

W: How are you?
WCF: Doing well. Keeping busy.
W: That's good. I'd like custody of [rabbit] over Christmas.
WCF: During Christmas or for good?
W: Friday through Monday when I'm home for Christmas. It's the 23rd through the 26th.
WCF: Okay, sounds good.

I remain wary. The rabbit has begun to exist as a tool for my W to manipulate in order to maintain control over me. I doubt much has changed in just a month. Fortunately, I will head to my hometown for the holidays, so I will be gone for most of that time. If I drop the rabbit off the night before she arrives, I probably won't have to see her at all.

Plus, I will probably be able to interact briefly with my in-laws when dropping him off. I would appreciate this, not only to see how they're doing but also to demonstrate that I'm still not some kind of lecherous beast. I often feel that my W has told them things about me that are not true in order to make her choices look better.