When is it time?

[workinghardguy]

It seems almost like a deadline for me, hoping things will change before she has to do that

Ah yes... the proverbial game clock. So I've only been at this two months now, but I remember very much being right where you are. I remember telling my EAP counselor that I constantly felt like it was the fourth quarter, I knew time was running out, I'm trying to run my two minute offense, but nobody will tell me how time is on the damn game clock nor will they let me take a timeout!

Here is a very important concept to understand... there is no clock. There never is a clock. There never is a deadline. She does not get to decide when you stop trying. She does get to decide when to separate or when to divorce. But that doesn't mean you have to stop. You have all the power in this dynamic.

I know... that sounds crazy right? But, let's say she takes the kids and walks out the door... is it over? Are you done? You can be. You can say, enough and stop. That is up to you at any given point. Or you can continue to DB. You can hold out. You can wait for her, improve yourself, and make yourself a man that she's an idiot for not coming back to. At some point you may then decide you're not waiting anymore and move on. Or she may come back. Or she may come back but you've grown so much that you can't accept her back.

But that's why there is no clock. Understand that the D is not the end of this, it's only another beginning. So don't live in fear of it. I'm not saying you should welcome it or look forward to it. It will hurt, but don't run around worrying that the clock is running out. Be Payton Manning out there running his two minute drill... or I should say Aaron Rodgers really don't be Jay Cutler (hope you're not a Bears fan)

Wish I could be there for her for that or moreover that it doesn't have to happen at all.

Ok.. and I'm sorry, but why on God's green earth do you wish you could be there for her? It's not like she has to go through this! She is CHOOSING to put herself in this mess. Good luck with it dear! She is making her bed, and by all means let her lie in it. Do not get her a blanket, a pillow, or a single thing. Telling mom and dad will be hard? Good! Glad to hear it! It should be hard.

I understand wanting to be there for your W when she is pain or hurt. If her mom dies, be there for her. But if she is in pain because of a self-inflicted wound... well... there's an easy remedy for that.