David, I'd recommend you look into articles and books on co-parenting. Right now it looks like you are heading to a long and painful existence with the kids caught as victims in the fight.
Can you recommend any good books?
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Just b/c you're paying for it doesn't matter a hill of beans. You ask her to do something and she agrees to do it then you don't really get to dictate the terms. Now obviously if there is a safety issue or a concern that some new bf is abusive or whatever that's different, but just bc a guy is dating your w or xw doesn't make him bad or evil.
I should have explained this a little better. I'm a bit concerned how easy it was for someone to pick up my D from daycare. The person that picked her up, which I trust fully, has never been to that daycare before and they just let her take my D because they said my W said it was okay. No phone call. Nothing. Now my W has had a creepy guy follow one of her friends to her house. Then he came knocking on the door at 1:30 in the morning asking my W to come out to the parking lot because he was fixing a guy's truck. This is one of the reasons why I want to know who is picking up the kids. I talked to the daycare and they said I could give them a list of who can pick up the kids. If they are not on that list, then daycare will call me before they release them. My W will have input as far as who is on this list. However, she will not answer phone calls from the daycare. In fact, she won't even go and pick up her last check. That is why I want to be in control of who picks my D's up. Not to be an a-hole. But, I have a genuine concern.
Now about the boyfriend picking up my girls. My problem with that is that my D8 has severe anxiety and sees a therapist. She is having a hard time with this whole thing. Her counselor told me that my D is having a real hard time because she thinks her mom may be dating. That is why I don't want to have a boyfriend pick them up. For my D's emotional and mental state.
So, I feel like I am protecting my daughter. Is that wrong?
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And absolutely don't use the kids as a weapon or a pawn in issues. Co-parenting requires respect for the other, so you're going to have to find a way to get there.
God I hope I'm not using the kids as a weapon or a pawn. I am not intending to do so. If I am then please smack me with as many 2x4's that you can find. I need to reevaluate some things to make sure I'm not doing this.
As far as her and I co-parenting. I think we do a good job. I can see where there needs to be some improvement. My number one goal is to be the best dad ever and I don't want to do anything to hurt my kids. I don't want to do anything to hurt my W.
I can see where my approach to things can be passive-aggressive. Thanks for pointing that out. Even if she never comes back I want to be able to look in the mirror and know that I did everything I could and gave it my all.
I took my vows which included for better or for worse. This part is the "worse". I'm sticking by her until she divorces me. More than I want her to come home, I want her to figure out whatever it is that she needs to figure out. I want to see her happy. I know that being around her right now is hurting that process more than it is helping. When things are rough and everything is going wrong, that's when people need to be loved the most. She's going through some hard times. I want to be the rock that she needs. I want to help see her through this. I know all I can do right now is work on me. I can't control her, I accept that now.
I'll be the first to admit that I need some guidance during this process. I'm not going to pretend like I know what I'm doing.
