Hi - I think by aggression I should have made clear it was in response to things H wasn't doing. We definitely cycled negatively just like you described. I was angry and didn't know it. I said ILY and spoke my love language, but underneath I had felt neglected for so long that I was really angry.
In this situation we're in now, I basically dropped all of it. Forget the anger, forget the unmet needs, just see if we can get to where we want to stay together and then improve things from there. That sounds like where you are now.
In a million or more words, I guess I've been thinking, is there something your W has been angry about that she doesn't even know about? That's hampering her interest in ML as well as other acts of emotional caring.
The DB way, I think, is not to look so hard at the past, just find what works and do it. You're doing that!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
