I am separated from my husband. Married 8 years. 2 children.
This summer we had an argument. Our child (6) was exposed to the day-long event, on his birthday. I told H that if we exposed him to a fight again to his negligence (He played his DS all day while we fought on his birthday. I kept asking him to wait til the evening but he couldn't. ), I would leave. 6 weeks later, he went on an absolute tirade against me and my son during a big argument. He told my son that I was selfish, that when he's a man he'll understand, and the like. He also broke a door down on us after I locked it to try to calm our son down. I left the next morning, after not sleeping that night, convinced he would come in and shoot me and the kids.
He has also cheated on me, having a one night stand and an emotional affair with a co-worker. I have gone to counseling, I have taken us to counseling, I have read books and books and books and books...He has done none of these things.
He tells me all our problems are my fault. That I haven't been supportive enough (Just his perspective, I'm not arguing the veracity of that claim!). He takes no responsibility unless I also take responsibility. For example, "if you hadn't brought up that topic in that way, I wouldn't have flipped out the way I did."
I just read "Why Does He Do That?" and the book really struck a chord. I know my husband isn't intensely abusive, but I also know that he is typically either stonewalling me, or letting tension build to a point where he explodes at me with anger. The author doesn't think these things are likely to change. As of today, he says he is angry at me for leaving (3 months ago), and he is not willing to consider making changes unless I admit I should not have left. (I am trying to make him understand I left out of fear! He says he "believes" me but that I make him out to be a monster)
My friends and counselor all say to let it go. They say he has abuse problems. I'm wondering...if he ever decides he wants to change (which, he still hasn't, but IF), what can he do that will help? I can't find any abuse programs that are local to us. Has anyone had experience with this? Is there hope?
), I would leave. 6 weeks later, he went on an absolute tirade against me and my son during a big argument. He told my son that I was selfish, that when he's a man he'll understand, and the like. He also broke a door down on us after I locked it to try to calm our son down. I left the next morning, after not sleeping that night, convinced he would come in and shoot me and the kids.