Today it was a little difficult for me to focus on work, but not as bad as the day before. I consider that to be progress. I have to be honest with myself and accept the fact that I am going to have some more trying days ahead of me. I'm fully prepared to move into the other room, but there's something holding me back. Part of me doesn't want the kids to notice and I also don't want to be seen as the one pulling away. However, I just don't see how we can avoid being physical if I stay in the same bedroom.
I had intended on talking to the counselor about this over the weekend, but H has overtime the same day. He seemed to have forgotten about the appointment, so I'm not sure if he was acting again or generally was confused. My plan is to get as much work out of the way today so that I can have time to shop with the kids. We need some more church clothes and I also want to get art supplies. H will be off on Friday, so spending as much time out of the house GALing as possible will be good. I also want to mentally prepare myself for him going out again this weekend.
Another reason I haven't moved into the spare bedroom is because I don't want my family to take notice over the holidays. I don't think that its their business and I do not want their unsolicited advice. In my head, I'm still going over H's latest flip-flop, but it does tell me that I have to completely remove myself from this situation in order to get clarity. He knows in his heart what's right and what's wrong. That's what made me so angry. He knows that putting his family through this is not the right thing to do, but he's just being selfish. That's okay though, I will make it through this.
