Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[figure-it-out]

Mr. B and Autumn,
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and encouragement.

I think I needed to see in black and white (from complete outsiders no less) the truth of what's going on.

I'm sure it would come as no surprise to anyone here that I have heard many times over the years that I have 3 children, my D, S and H. I would be lying if I said part of me didn't justify H behavior as "H just being H" and me stepping into the rescuer mode made me feel "needed".
I felt I was doing him a favor by taking care of basically everything. Ironic as one of his complaints when he left was he has never been "on his own" and needs to do this "for him". Maybe if I hadn't been so accomodating and willing to make his life as easy as possible things would have been different. The thing that really gets me is today, 15 months later, he is only slightly more "on his own" than when he lived at home. He doesn't live on his own, or pay his own bills, the primary difference is he can come and go when he pleases and doesn't have to answer to anyone.
Enough about him, I can't understand why he did this/does this as the concept is totally foreign in my world.
You're right, I need to work much harder on GAL. I think I have put too much emphasis on GAL meaning get out and do things independently of him. I know that's part of it, but I need to GAL in my mind and heart. I need to get to a place where it's MY feelings first, and not subconsiously think "how would H feel if I did this". Right now, today, he doesn't care at all.
Ugggg, I realize I have so much further to go. One day at a time, one bump in the road at a time. I will learn from my mistakes and work on becoming more of "a woman only a fool would leave". I'm only sorry I waited so long to start participating on these boards.