You are right to not give her money. You are NOT right in ignoring her when it comes to something about your kids. It comes across as petulant and passive-aggressive, and it would have been better for you to call her (or text her) back and say "I have decided that it would be better if you picked her up at the day-care, as I can no longer be late for work. Please let me know when you have her, so I'll know she's been picked up. Thanks."
Or similar.
When it comes to fight-picking or R talks, yes, ignore those. If it's neutral stuff, answer it later, when you're not busy, starting with a "sorry, been really busy and just saw this," etc. But if it's about your children, you should absolutely be communicating with her, and I'm sure your attorney would tell you the same thing.
