I know that I need to shine brighter now than ever in order to get my W back,
No no no no no...
Your mission is NOT to "get my W back". If you continue with this line of thinking, you will badger your W with, "Look...I've changed! See what a wonderful man I am now? So drop the OM and come back to me." You will look like a little child showing off for Mommy. She will see through that one in a second, accuse you of false changes and pull further away.
Your mission is to shine brighter FOR YOU. You need to become a strong, confident, assertive and caring man FOR YOURSELF. Keep your W out of the equation. She couldn't care less about what you do. She is completely dialed into the OM, and you are just a nuisance to her.
lh49, I apologize if that sounds harsh, but it is the truth, and if you know anything about my situation, you know it is the truth, because I've been there, done that and I have the WAW living with the OM to prove it.
The only way you have a shot at seeing your W disengage from the OM is to become a strong, confident man on your own, and maybe she will notice and start to wonder about her choices. But there are no guarantees. WAW's with OM's in their lives usually continue down their path even if they know it is wrong because in their minds their marriages are already over, they are living their lives the way they want and to hell with anyone who stands in their way.
I know where you are. I know how you feel. Our W's have slapped us in our faces with the ultimate act of selfishness and betrayal. But we cannot persuade them, cajole them or force them to stop doing what they are doing. All we can do is examine ourselves, own and admit our parts in these situations and learn from our mistakes. Our goal is to come out of this with our self-esteem, self-respect, sanity and masculinity intact. If our WAW's see those characteristics in us and begin to second-guess their poor choices, we can then decide if we want to build new relationships with them. But they will need to do a lot of work on themselves and the marriages before we let ourselves get hurt like this again.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
