Youngster Questions Reality, WAW Moves On...

[25yearsmlc]

Today, I had a bit of an epiphany. (As I often do.) I caught myself getting sucked into bouts of what people on the forums like to call "stinkin' thinkin'." My mind frequently gravitates towards the anger and betrayal of my sitch, and today I thought, "Who is this helping? Nobody. It's only dragging me down and making me feel worse."

Yes...

I wondered why we did that but I THINK that we LBSers used to think, before our "awakenings" or epiphanies,

that somehow going to the dark place, kept the WAS there too...but it doesn't. It only makes US in a dark place. The WAS is off on their own having a good time or a bad time completely UNrelated to what we are doing or thinking or feeling.
Believe it or not, this simple and sort of obvious realization is actually a big step for you when it sinks in. Let it sink in.

And the saying you have below, reminds me of the one I heard re: to anger and forgiveness, which was something like

"Holding onto anger to punish, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in someone else's eyes."

I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes, attributed to Buddha: "Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

I am often inspired by people who come into my bank every day with an infectious grin and a warm, energizing attitude. Whatever might be going on in their lives, they clearly make an active choice to be positive, happy people. Not only does it make them feel better, it makes the people around them feel better.

Remember this^^^^and implement it as a life style CHOICE, b/c it is.

Aristotle said "Happiness is a virtue" b/c he knew it does not just "happen to the lucky ones"...it's a choice and it IS an active choice requiring action of some sort...kind of like how LOVING SOMEONE IS AN ACTIVE CHOICE - REQUIRING ACTION OF SOME SORT...every day...

If you practice this simple but challenging approach to life, you will be a happier man.

Isn't that a wonderful thing to KNOW??

And now you do.



I like helping positive people the most because it makes me feel good just being around them.

So...basically....working harder on cultivating a PMA. I'm tired of making the conscious choice to be unhappy. It serves no one.

^^^^ = PROOF OF A GOD!!! I don't mean to mock you b/c I'm a believer, but I'm SO glad you are getting this now. YAY!!!

Also, my other big goal is to GAL in the form of being around other people. I am proud of the GAL-ing that I am doing in my personal life including reading, watching good flicks, exercising, and writing, but apart from excursions to my home town to visit with my family, I'm not doing a very good job of meeting new people.

Part of the problem is the area. My W and I moved here solely because this is her hometown and her parents live here, so the only friends I made here are ones who were already friends with my W. I have no friends of my own.


This is some horn tooting of mine but it's b/c you need examples.

I was depressed when we lived in the interior of Alaska. I had a newborn and a h who went nuts on me....but
here's a partial list of what I did there, mostly in the winter, with temperatures of -50'F...

(and no, I'm not exaggerating the temp, nor had I had ANY experience with something like that. I'm from near DC, AND no, I'm not talking about wind chill...AND -what global warming??)

SO here's what I did so I would not go insane or get even more depressed,
I had 3 kids, 12, 8 and a newborn..

So I joined the wives club for the first time ever. Up THERE, it helped.

Auditioned for dinner theater and community theater, and soon got roles. After one, I was able to get a role in every play that had a woman in it.

I tried and then kept on doing stand up comedy in the big club, and did it rather well. ( I do it here in LA and i get paid for it now. Go figure).

Worked out and used a tanning booth--needed the sun even if I got skin cancer.

Saw a T and got on meds for the winters.

Joined a writer's group. Excellent and therapeutic and a great way to meet people - although some will be uber sad...go to the light!! Meet up with the witty ones and meet their fun friends...

I Took a pottery class--weird for me but fun, and I still have my mugs!

Got a pilot's license and learned to fly small planes, partly b/c h was doing it and that scared me if he got hurt and I'd be useless, but also b/c I had always wanted to do that and then HE Did...so heck ya, I joined that activity...

Learned to hunt and went deep sea fishing several times. Was successful in both.

Edited a hunting book that became a best seller in its' genre. Gave lectures in my areas of "expertise", at first for free and then later for money.

Took some legal clients on and worked.

I Wrote several newspaper columns for the paper. I Volunteered at the women's shelter and then later, got on the Board of Directors. Joined a book club--easy GAL to do- read the book and then discuss it with new people you do not have to see again if you don't want to BUT you can if you do....clubs are listed in the paper or online in your area.

I Coached a girl's softball team. Formed the "Gifted Kids Booster" club --(you don't have to have a kid to help them in some way)

I taught a public speaking class to Priest candidates through our church,

WENT TO CHURCH...and for now, that's all I can think of.

But you get my point, right? You are qualified for much more than you realize.

Choose to be happy. And since you know it's an active choice, you MUST DO something that gets you happy.

It's a chain reaction. The thought of the activity and maybe getting out of your comfort zone (which expands it) starts it...

and then DOING the activity helps... and always feeling that you have achieved something...once you are there or did it. And

meeting new people and gratefully conceding that you will learn at least one thing from a new person that day.

Feeling happier, and noticing it, savoring it, enjoying the RECALL of it, (the exponentiality of happiness, how it grows in different directions and

leads to other people unexpectedly AND OR to other unexpected activities AND it is--- fascinating in a science fictiony way)

Marvel at it.



Another problem is my work. Work is great and has allowed me to get out with my co-workers to go to dinner. However, I won't lie when I say that women outnumber men in my profession greatly. Any guys are usually in higher positions or work in the back offices.

I don't get it. What is the problem here?

A third problem is money. While I'm not flat-broke, I don't have a lot. I like to keep what I can in reserve.

Look at my GAL list and see that more than half cost me little OR NOTHING...and prioritize...what rainy day are you saving for?

I mean, I am a reg investment advisor and want retirement accounts and investing wisdom...but you are a sad person. So...

A fourth problem is that I'm a bit of a paradox when it comes to socializing. I am the kind of person who is initially very shy and hates being dropped into a situation with people who I don't know. However, once I get to know someone and get a feel for how they work, I completely loosen up and become very talkative, joking, and out-going.

Any suggestions? I'm hoping to make at least one of these local write-ins for NaNoWriMo. It seems like such a great opportunity, and I would hate to waste it.


I WILL WRITE MORE WHEN I CAN...

On a side-note, does anybody have any perspective on the sitch with my W and OM? I hate to bring this up because I shouldn't be thinking about her at all, but I figure that it wouldn't hurt to hear some advice. Coming up on the 14th, she will have been living with him for three months.

I thought for sure that being forced to live with OM day-in and day-out for just a short while would destroy the fantasy that most A's seem to be built on. When she called me complaining about him, saying that his "true colors" were showing, I thought for sure that it was over. Now all I hear from her is how they're probably going to get M'd and how he walks on water.

At this point, I'm starting to become convinced that OM really is everything my W wants. (I'm not going to lie, hearing her say, "He's everything you should have been" during our last meeting cut me to the bone.)