but you wont do the same

[keep_going]

Hi AJM80

I've read your threads now and I find we have some similarities in our situations.

My H left home last December (just 2 days before Xmas, 6 weeks after finding out I was pregnant with 3rd kid and 1 week after moving in to a new house we bought...)

My kids are 4, almost 3 and our little one just turned 3 months old. When H left, he was starting an EA with a client from work. Our M had gone bad for a few years - too much work, neglect from both ends, lots of resentment from my part and finally my H gave up silently until he became a WAH.

Just 4 weeks after he left, he started dating (in addition to his EA with client). I did not find out until March, when I caught him with a "guest" at his place. It turned out to be the client. His EA had turned to PA. She is married, has 2 kids and at the time was still "working on her marriage."

Long story short, my approach once I found out he was dating, was, like you, to try to be friends. I had an open door policy - he would come see the kids almost daily. (Sometimes even laying down in my bed to rest, just like your h). Our R improved, we had good times together and he noticed my changes. Yet, at the same time, his R with OW became stronger (I didn't realize this at the time.)

I was hopeful that with our son's birth, he would decide to leave OW and decide for his family. Yet, just the opposite. Just two weeks after the birth of our son, he told me he was in love with OW, she had left her H and they were pursuing their R openly. So in essence, he was having his cake and eating it too.

I was soo devastated that I have had a very hard time recovering. I have been very resentful the last three months and have lost all momentum and progress in my R with him. His R with OW is going really well - they are truly in love and it seems serious. (Yes - I have snooped and found lots of evidence of a very strong emotional and physical bond.)

Now H wants to finally file for D and move on with OW. My sit. is not looking promising, but I am not giving up. Many have adviced to focus on me until (if it happens), his rosy R with OW cools down.

I love the way you have been able to detach. I find that you are in a much healthier place than me. You don't seem to have just put your life on hold for your H and I can sense real confidence in you. I wish I felt the same way.

For now, I don't really have a lot of time to GAL. I am not back at work and am seriously considering not doing it anytime soon - the kids are really struggling, specially the middle one. It's so confusing. And even though H still is around with them and is very loving, his contact with them is limited due to work and OW (she is not local).

I also admire that you have worked out. I have lost a ton of weight, but now want to get back to working out and triathlon training, which is something I like, but until my work sit. is figured out, I feel like I all my other decisions will need to wait.


Anyways, just wanted to tell you that I think you are doing great and I really enjoy reading your posts / progress. Your strength inspires me and believe me - I know what you are going thru trying to raise your little ones.

Hang in there!