Respect is a big deal, you do need to change, you do need to open up, but don't get walked all over in the process.
Along with DB and DR, make sure you read No More Mr Nice Guy. Its important that you start addressing what her complaints are, its also important that you understand how to properly set boundaries.
I know right now you dont want to make waves, but you need to be careful not to create a dynamic where she gets her way by threatening to leave. Think about it this way she is currently trying to get away with an affair. Not saying to be angry resentful, or vengeful, just both of you need to understand that boundaries need to be created.
