Thank you everyone for your prayers. God gave my marriage a miracle over the weekend. It turned out better than I imagined it to be. I hope it will be the start of a new life....
I am so emotionally exhausted that I don't think I can write that much. And also, the Retrouvaille method should not be divulged, but suffice it to say that over the weekend, there were any changes, not only in my H's heart, but in mine as well.
He now wants to work on our M. He came in not sure of why he was there, only knowing that it must mean something that he was going. But he did bring with him an open heart and mind.
It started easy, and we were telling ourselves that we were in this to just make our life more smooth sailing, nothing deep. He felt we were learning a new trick, even said there ws no need to go back for the post sessions as we were likely to learn what we needed in the first day. Then it became harder. We were forced to face our feelings, our issues.
There was a point he almost quit. I almost also ruined it by being indignant that he was not doing his best. Then we recovered. We said it was not a time to solve problems, only to learn. We pushed on.
At the end of Saturday we were feeling hopeful.
On Sunday, we were put into deeper waters.
I was afraid that H woud cave in under the pressure, would withdraw into himself. But he did not. Hard as it was, he faced it and came through.
And so did I! I felt like my chest was going to explode with the emotions I felt. We cried together. We smiled and talked and laughed like we have not in a long time.
We both realized he has a long, long way to go. He said to me his inner issues are not solved yet, but tired as he is, he will persevere and will continue to work on them. He let me know that he valued my being there for him, and that the most important thing about me to him was my loving him in spite of it all. He told me that he saw all of my changes, and that he wanted me to help him understand how love could be a decision, and not a feeling.
We both agreed that God should be in the center of our relationship.
In the end, he even said that we should go to the post sessions, we will find a way inspite of his anxiety that we may rock the boat.
We went home both exhausted and quiet. I brought him to the airport, he will be away for a week. I was relieved that we have time to reflect away from each other. Time to pray as well and be thankful. Time to think back and see with the heart what we had divulged to each other. Time to offer it to God and listen on what the next step will be.
Those of you who have been debating whether to go or not, I urge you to do so.
There is nothing to lose, except for the expenses, which are voluntary, and everything to gain.
Again, thank you for your prayers, and for helping me settle my minds and my doubts before going! I love you all!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
