Hi Jake. I guess it's rude of me not to read all of your posts before making a response, but this statement you made just stopped me in my tracks.
Quote:
There was an OM that my wife was "just friends" with for like 2 months. She hung out with him many times and I suspect that she spent the night at his place a couple times.
Do you believe a M includes a friendship with the opposite sex and spending time alone with him/her and staying over-night?
Your W has slapped you in the face with the biggest act of disrespect she could ever do. She will not have any sexual attraction (those in-love feelings) without respect. Women tie respect into the love they feel for the man. She is wired to need to feel respect for him as a man, first, and her husband, second. That is why we women "let" you men be our leader over our home. Whenever you see a woman spending free time alone with a man, who is not her H or relative, it usually means trouble is brewing.
I realize this is not considered "moderm" in today's world, but you don't change human nature just b/c of gender equality.
So, what to do? You are tortured with thoughts of this OM instead of what your W is feeling. Is the fact she had an A a deal breaker with you? Apparently not, since you are scared out of your mind that you'll push her away! I can't tell you how bad that makes you sound. I can.....but I'd get banned from the board.
Listen, I was a WAW in an A, and I know a little about the female thoughts and feelings. Forget about OM and what you'd like to do with him. He's not the real threat here, it's your W and her lack of respect and her misguided sense of "friendships" out of the MR. Maybe she wasn't taught any better, IDK, but you didn't help by allowing this behavior. The M has to be based on some solid principles and have clear boundaries in place, or the family is lost. Do you and your W know where those boundaries are? It's one thing to know and step over the boundary, it's another to not even know.
Has there ever been any other infidelity?
If you are afraid to bring up the subject of the A at the MC, then you're waisting your money. That's like sweeping dirt under the rug and trying to maintain a clean house.
Do not do anything without running it by here first. At least not until you began to digest a few things. We can't tell everything in the first few posts, so stick with us, okay?
This M can be saved, but it will take a long time, long patient, learning a lot of new information, and requiring new skills. Are you up for the job?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
