I'm delighted that you and your H got so much out of Retrouvaille!
With regards to your H feeling that he had a choice between true romance with OW and "a life of misery" with you, please be aware that MLCers are functioning on an emotional (rather than rational) level when they feel this way. The impression that they've never loved anyone the way they love the OW is inaccurate and temporary.
In truth, they're projecting so many positives onto her that they find, later, that they hardly saw her for who she truly was--they never knew her in the way they knew their wives. They were too self-absorbed and depressed to be able to connect properly. All the romantic messages and gestures were the trappings of infatuation and stop making any sense once they stop being driven solely by their emotions.
I'm glad you've been given another chance to try to achieve the sort of marriage you both hoped for. Congratulations on all the changes you've made that brought you to this point ... and don't stop making them!!
I hope your D notices a positive change in your interactions with H, and takes comfort in it.
