The Hardest Part of Piecing

[MynameisMZ]

J3B,

Funny you focus in on the word "need" in my last post. I was thinking I should change it because I had an inclination you would focus in on that. ;-)


ANYWAY.....

H and I had that exact same convo this AM. RE:

"When you do speak your thoughts
outloud? Let him know what your doing.
OR... try not to do it so much."

If it is a button, or something that
bugs him, he should just...toughen up? Get
used to it? Shouldn't you [or] someone who
loves him try to assuage him?"

It's deeper than that. Example: We are away, we need (oh that word again ;-) ) to print our boarding passes. We tried unsuccessfully yesterday. We have the IT guy from H's co here and yesterday he said he could do it, but we didn't know if he had. We tried unsuccessfully again today. We became worried, wondered what the problem might be. H said maybe IT guy did it already. So I say in support of that, "OK, we'll check with IT before we do anything else." ...H looks at me, mocks me in a disdaining tone, "Oh, OK, we'll check with IT." So of course (since this is a project in our M) I point out what just happened between us and ask H, what happened for him in that exchange and his response? "You're telling me what to do."
I explain that my intention was to reiterate OUR plan of action.
This happens ALL THE TIME Jack. So after breakfast I asked him about it and he volunteered that maybe he "should just let it go" when I say things out loud. I know that if he does that, it will lead to resentment on his part.

History~ H has held the belief that I blamed him for a crappy room on our honeymoon......for 21 YEARS! Just found that out last year during MC. I had no idea. Resentment is a key ingredient in addictions and addiction is the best model I've come across to look at A's. You do something that feels good, you know it isn't good for you, may/will ruin your family/friends, but you do it anyway because, damn, you've been wronged. That's the nutshell version.