new to this..

[luvhurts49]

You can only work on yourself. Nothing you do or say will make your S want to do anything that they don't want to do. You keep making changes to yourself for you, not for your S. You can't control your S. If they decide to make a change, it won't necessarily be for you and will likely be a change to spite you.

As far as lunches go, let your S talk. Just sit there and listen unless a response is needed. If your S is coming to you for interaction, that's good--don't make it too easy on them. Remember, you pull away to draw them closer.