Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[mishka422]

KG,

This is going to take every ounce of self control you can muster.

1)Sit down and let him talk about what he wants. Validate unless it becomes downright abusive.

2)Calmly tell him this is not what you want but you also won't stand in his way and try to muck up the process. Neither of you has the funds to do that, right?

3)If he starts throwing out numbers to you that are no where near what the formulas require then make sure to calmly tell him you have done some research (no need to tell him about the L) and found that the formula requires $xxx.xx amount per month. Let it sink in to his head. Say nothing else about it.

4)As far as legal separation, what would you want to accomplish with that? It doesn't do anything other than stop just short of a full D. Trust me, he would only view it as a pathetic stall tactic. Men don't like games and it would seem like one.

5)Ask him again if he would be willing to go to C with you not only regarding your anger issues, but also to learn co-parenting skills that will need to be in place before a D is final. You have very young children and have 18 years of this with him. It's going to be a long R no matter what the outcome of the M is.