Wow, even more good advice. Re-reading my posts from yesterday I can definitely agree with the advice given. I do need to focus on me and my faults. My continued focus on the A is definitely clouding my reconciliation efforts. I think a good way for me to try and not think about it would be to use thoughts of it as prompts to do things that would help our relationship... sort of like a reminder to keep working on being the person that I once was.
We were only in 3 MC sessions so far but some of the issues identified have been that I am putting myself first, not doing random nice/sweet things, and not being attentive to her needs. We also identified that neither one of us is talking WITH each other, we are talking TO each other.
I definitely have been putting myself first. I am the sole worker in the house so I have rationalized my behavior as being in the interest of the family. However, I'm clearly doing that too much. I really need to step back and look at my W's needs as an individual and how I can be a positive influence or assist with them, as opposed to putting my needs first even if I logically think that it is in the family's best interest... or at a minimum discuss it clearly.
I have been working diligently on doing random nice things around the house without prompting. Things that I would have done without prompting years ago but over time have gotten lazy/selfish and don't do unless asked. Example: randomly drive the kids to school in the morning or make their lunches.
I mentioned before that I'm just generally not as happy of a person as I used to be. That started before this whole OM thing and I'm not really sure of the reason. I am healthy and successful, love my kids and wife, and view our life outlook as being very positive. However, I am emotionally just kinda bland. I don't know how to describe it... but I don't get as happy or excited about things as other people do. Example: I love watching my local football team on Sundays. I have always wanted my son to enjoy it with me. He hasn't shown much of an interest in it for whatever reason but lately he really has. He's been asking me if he could watch it with me and asking me to explain things to him. It's like a small dream come true.. I cherish teaching him things about the game that I'm so passionate about. But, I catch myself having these feelings internally but not showing them. I really need to work on that because my wife even mentioned it way before all of this that I just don't seem happy about anything.... even though sometimes I am!
We have our 4th MC session tomorrow. The MC is trying to get us to lead the conversations more, so I know he is going to look to us to bring up issues or topics to discuss. Prior to posting on here I was going to bring up some negative things that my W could work on, but I am not going to do that now. My W has been very cooperative and is participating fully and I am extremely grateful for that. I'm also grateful for all the wonderful posts on here and the time you all are spending to help me fix my problems.
