A pirate looks at 40

[MynameisMZ]

SL,

I just wanted to share some thoughts because I interpret that you are taking too much of the blame at times. Feel like I could start a book, so basically I'll start with simple. Disclaimer- My intention here is to not give advice.

Your sitch has my attention. It's hitting a nerve for me. I've been thinking about it a lot. Your descriptions of your W remind me of myself in many ways. That whole go-getter, take charge, expect the most from others, caffeine, work...work...work...ACOA.

Since my H "left those voids" and I "had to" fill them, he looked weak, not man enough, not able to provide (in my opinion)....plus all the things you describe about yourself. I basically castrated my H. The power in our R was lopsided.

The difference in our sitches is that you weren't the one to have the A, she did. Given the right opportunity/sitch, it may very well have been you.

Something to think about here. Just give it some thought and if it applies, then it does, if not then OK......

In the movie, It's Complicated, Meryl Streep's character says to Alec Baldwin's character after sex (something along the lines), "I know it wasn't just you. You went out and had the A so I didn't have to."

Although you may need to/want to make changes in yourself because you see the things you want to change, be aware that you may be in a stage where you just want your W back and this is the one game in town that will settle things down. It does work. DB techniques do work. However, if they are not ultimately for you and who you really are (W benefits, yes), your old ways will creep in and it will feel more like duty/struggle.

Another movie example, Goundhog Day with Bill Murray and Andie McDowell. Bill's character desperately wants to wake up and find it different, but it can only be different when he has truly changed within himself and not just doing the motions. Watch it to know what I mean.

Enough for now. I'm interested in your response.