W is angrier after my 180's - time + consistency

[2thepoint]

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm moving forward with this and will continue with my best DB efforts. I realize that my WAW's actions are for her own selfish reasons but I also realize that my actions that precipitated her A were what created the environment that then landed us where we are today. I do think her heart is softening in some ways, though not enough at this point to stop us from moving forward. I think time and distance will tell me if there is any chance for us.

Last evening we spoke with the boys and I have to say that that was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my entire life!

S9 broke down into a ball of tears while S13 just sat there seemingly staring into space. I did my best to hold my emotions in check but it was damn hard! My W just sat there (she told me she was heavily medicated) with little emotion until the boys came over and sat with me while we hugged and cried. She then began to cry herself.

When I left the room to compose myself, S9 let out a wail that just broke my heart! I left it up to my wife to console him. Then I went to check on S13 who had gone upstairs. I told him I loved him and that when he was ready to talk, I was ready to listen.

S9 later came to my room and asked me if I would watch TV with the rest of the family, which I did.

On top of the overwhelming sadness I felt in breaking the news to the boys, I also began to feel a significant amount of anger. I did not express this in any outward way, just held it in. But it was real and palpable!

Shortly before we told the boys, I was sitting on the edge of my bed trying to get my thoughts and courage together and W knocked and came in. She saw me just sitting there and all she could say was she was sorry. She said it 2 or 3 times and I said that we could stop this now and spare the boys but she said she couldn't.

So now it is a new day and a sort of new beginning as I prepare to move out. I will continue to focus on myself and my boys, doing my 180's and doing a better job at GAL. I have a Divorce Care session tonight so hopefully that will go well. I have another IC session later in the week (now up to 2 per week) and my workout regimen should increase as I spend less time at the house.

So I pray that this new day brings renewed sense of hope and opportunity into my life.