Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[25yearsmlc]

Help!

I got two text messages from H today (he is at a work convention with OW). These came after our phone blow-up from Sunday...

text 1:
"I'm struggling with how to proceed. I'm not trying to hurt you. That's not my goal. I am trying to separate myself in as painless a way as possible. I don't know what that is, and I'm sorry I haven't always made the right choices in the process."

I responded:
"I am sorry, you are so vague that I honestly do not understand what you are trying to tell me." Are you trying to apologize, justify your actions or what? And what "choices" are you talking about."

Text #2:
"I wanted to talk about how we move forward. It's a painful situation and my attempts to neither hurt you nor be hurt by you seem pointless now. I've failed to do either. I want the least amount of pain possible. You don't want to be divorced and I do. I want to talk about that."


So he's basically asking for the D BY TEXT while he is with OW...

how about

"I cannot discuss this by text message. It deserves an in person one on one talk. We can discuss it later when you have time."

This buys you time. Let him FEEL free to discover the real color of the grass on the other side of the fence...

the intensity of their R is imo, telling. She and he love being in love...and it's way easier when you are not dealing with 3 kids under 5 all together but can steal time away, just as a couple.

He needs reality therapy and only time with OW and away from your "power" are going to give him that...AND you CONTRASTING YOUR BEHAVIORS with his images...

lose that anger...at least in front of him. AND do not tell him you read the letters and for God's sake STOP SNOOPING...

applaud loudly for the 1% of positives he does

(SHE is, you may as well too)
and read the DR book again and again...I honestly believe you both bought into the Superwoman image too much.

All i can say to her is, "good luck" with that...



My question now is HOW SHOULD I RESPOND? SHOULD I BE COOPERATIVE THRUOUT???

What is the best approach, since it looks inevitable now. Please help me. I am devastated. I have been dreading this moment for almost a year. All my efforts (and mostly failures to DB) have been in vain and I really blew my chances. I had 10 months to convince him and I didn't...

What do I do???

You begin again, "from this day forward." And you do better.

it's not over. Seriously...he needs TIME and YOU need to DETACH...