Thought it would be done by now...part 3

[25yearsmlc]

once again, you have answered your own questions...

I need to completely detach. Seems impossible when I feel like I am thrown a bone to keep me quiet or give me hope and H disappears.

Then DETACH......DETACH.....and

Don't "hope" if that means you are stuck in your life and Not moving forward, which you seem to imply. You know, you are in charge of how YOU react to him...so don't attach ANYTHING to what he says...at all.


I still hold onto hope. He says he wants to come home. Tells the kids he hopes to be home in a few months. Really. I never knew that. But, then he drives back to OW.

all that matters is what he DOES.

I am venting. I am angry. Just let me go then if he truly doesn't want us. Why come and cry and be remorsful and tells us you love us. Fix things around the house. Then leave.
Why??

We do NOT know...and probably never will. The REAL question is,

how long are you going to spend your precious energy asking this same question?

Besides...is there really such a thing as a "good answer" to that question? I'd say no.

Then I fail at DBing by iniating contact and then bringing up "whats the plan" "when will you see kids?"
Someone. Please give me some 2x4's this neeed to stop.

STOP THIS...JUST STOP IT....there, does that help?

B/C doing the same thing over and over again is a lot like your h drinking and cheating and crying and thinking that SOMETHING will change or be different...this time...



Is it false hope?

I believe in hope. But also, in forward movement. You can have both.


THere has been NO action on his side Except he has iniated contact with kids on his own.
THis is a first and it went well.

it's not much but it is better than nothing. Let HIM do the contacts now. You know that HE knows how to do it and he now has...and he was welcomed by the kids and so, he has had the road home paved enough for him to walk it.

More than this, is only counter productive. Plus you tend to have a LOT of expectations, which get you hurt, even with the barest of movement on his end.

So I'm reluctant to advise any contact from you. He's still with OW and has done nothing legally, but argue with you about money, correct? Well...

A lot of these guys won't change til they MUST and as long as you enable him to pretty much have what he wants without stopping the OW contact AND with the continual drinking

are you really doing him or your kids or yourself

any favors by pretending he is making real effort?

Why not let him find his way out? Isn't the only way this could really work?


Help.
Such a hard day. I realize I have too many expectations.

You are in charge of more than you realize.

Take charge of your life.

Show your kids that you (AND THEY) can be happy whether or not their alcoholic father shows up.

They are watching...

((( )))