I though I was the crazy one for a while, needed to talk to them
W has done everything to make it hard, deleted all my friends from her fb, rings gone, publishes her business on fb all the time (so I am told, nothing specific though as I don't want to know, I deleted and blocked W months back as got fed up with the attention seeking posts)
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
October 27 I'm sure W thinks she only has 1 child. She calls D14 every day, but only called S12 4days after she dropped him off last. I heard him say why don't u call me, she must of said she does, as S12 said I have no missed calls from you......
He said to me after that mum keeps lying to them, and he doesn't trust her.
In the evening W popped round to give them some money for our weekend away, 30 pound+ 10 pound pocket money she told them at the weekend, u should see there disappointment as she only gave them 10 pound. She said she had no money......usual story Then S12 says to me S12 - Dad would you ever lie to me. M – No, but only if it was to stop you getting hurt S12 – Mum lies all the time, she lies to everyone
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
I received 23 text messages from S12 from 21:30 through to 00:30 saying he is very unhappy at his mums as she is having a party with friends, and he has been in his room all night.
S12 says he wants to come “home”
W has the kids for only 4 nights every other week, why can she not have a party on a night without the kids, not the right message to them IMHO, wasting one of the 4 nights to spend quality time with them.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Kids returned from W after being there for 4 days. When W pulled up at the house I heard her shouting at the kids as usual, but heard her say it was her house and she was on the mortgage also. When the kids came in they said this was due to W wanting a Christmas tree, and S12 told her that I had said no, as she didn’t want to take anything from the house.
Then I get a text from W (first coms in 3 weeks) asking when she could come round to get some decs and a tree, as money is tight. W has never asked me directly for a tree, only through the kids. Then kids tell me:
1) W and D14 just had their hair done £140, and W has purchased some Christmas presents for them, whilst with them! 2) Had another spray tan 3) Purchased new clothes, again 4) W wants to take them to Egypt in Feb with the money she gets from me 5) Kids tell me they still haven’t seen in-laws, and the last time is when I took them round 2 months ago
After this, S12 shouts to me, guess what mum just posted on fb, “another weekend over, cannot wait to go back to work”. S12 shouts, nice, thanks mum.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Received W’s copy of her daft divorce petition as couple of weeks back……..
What a load of lies, some of it is so far stretched, and just basically untrue I am think of contesting, but this will cost loads.
Plus W has applied for me to pay for it and her legal fees!!!! WTH
I have written back to her solicitor saying that if she removes the application for costs I will let it go through, although I reserve the right to comment on the points listed in the future as I do not agree to them.
W Solicitor has now also received my full financial analysis, but nothing from W yet.
This was two weeks ago, and I still have yet to receive her information on finance back or her decision on her removing the application for costs…….
But I did receive another letter from her solicitor two days ago, and guess the detailed inclusions within……
Nope, nothing about D, kids or finances
She wants a Christmas tree and decorations. Yep, that is what she got her solicitor to write, nothing responding to my questions….
All lies again, as she said she had asked me for a tree, decorations, lights and pictures of the kids, and she has not.
W asked me back in Aug for some pictures, and the kids took some
It would have been cheaper for her to by a bloody tree FFS
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
W collected the kids on the usual day (I still do not see her, as I requested she not come in the house), then the next day, on the same day I received the Christmas tree solicitor’s letter I picked up a voicemail message from W at 08:00 which she had left at 7:45
W was hysterical and crying, and could hardly speak, and went like this….
GAL Man, it’s W
Please tell me what you have been telling the kids
They just don’t want to be with me any more
I can’t take this anymore
There against me, completely 100%
I left u not the kids
I can’t do this
I was/am very concerned for W, but I cannot fix this, W has to. TBH I have complete empathy for W, but no sympathy for her, this is consequences of her actions, especially with the kids.
If W hadn’t again blamed me for her relationship with the kids, and threw in again that she left me not the kids I would have called her, but what was the point, I would have only got more blame projecting.
I did draft up a text to send her, but again, chose not to send it in the end.
Later the same day both kids called me, and both said that W had been arguing with them the night before (the night she picked them up) and added the following (I will bullet point them)
- W had very little food in her flat for them
- They cleared 20-30 empty wine bottles from her kitchen the last time they were there
- W is moody and angry with them all the time
- They got into an argument again the morning of W;s vm message
- W has now told them I treated her badly for 15 years!!!!!!!! (Was waiting for that one!)
- W told the kids that I said to her I was taking the kids from her and going for full custody (I have actually said the opposite of this MANY time via different methods!!!!)
- They have told W they are happy with the present arrangements of saying with me 10 days out of 14 and want it to continue
- S12 said he wants to go round there less!
- S12 said when is this all going to be over, the Div, (W has told them it will be over soon, and please can they stay with her more)
- D14 says that I state it their choice where they stay, and I am happy with whatever they decide, where as W pays guilt on them, saying she is lonely, has no one to talk to, its not fair, consider how she feels. D14 said it still all about her!
- W was shouting and crying
TBH, this is really hard for me, as I need to review this over the next few weeks, as I feel it is really (W) starting to get to the kids now. I have also told my solicitor this.
I am concerned that I have detached from W and dropped the rope (have not communicated to her for nearly 5 weeks now, and not replied to her message or call), but W’s anger, blame and projecting are now going elsewhere, i.e my children.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
I have changed so much already, and I love it, and the kids see it (plus W has commented on it many times, maybe that’s just it with her!!) Loads of 180’s!
Yes, I am honest to say right at the beginning a lot of changes were to try and get W back, and I think most on these boards, at the beginning, if they are honest with themselves would say the same. But, that is not what it is about I can see now. Better yourself first; change to make yourself a better person, for you, for your future, for your kids. AND, the by product MAY be your W noticing, but these changes are for you and the rest of your life…..
The boundaries I have put in place are to protect ME, nothing else. I have to remove myself for the toxicity of W and her drama and move forward with my life.
I do not want to be with the person W is, period, Yes I still love her, but do not respect her ATM or have sympathy for her, empathy yes.
I have detached quite well now, her vm message did get to me, but I wouldn’t be human IMHO if it didn’t, but I didn’t react or respond to it. Again IMHO W was trying to suck me back in and goad a reaction from me, not anymore!
I am GAL like no tomorrow when I have the 4 nights without the kids.
Workday Night 1 – round to see friend 1, play cards, help with his PC issues Workday Night 2 – Out for curry with another friend Workday Night 3 – Poker night last night till 2am (and I won Yeahhhhh) Sat – Housework, washing etc!!!! LOL, watch football, Eve – Out on the town with other friends Sun – Relax, Ironing LOL, Eve – Kids come back
GAL stuff with the kids - We play board games or cards most nights - Still go bowling every other Tue eve - Shopping and Starbucks - Kids have sleepover and we have games and pizza/snacks etc - Round to see grandparents and family - Out for Sunday lunch every Sun when I have them
Again I will say this. Having the kids with me for the majority of the time, is so unusual for a father, it makes me feel a great dad, and the kids say I have changed soooo much and love being here with me at home. Around the kids the changes were not mostly intentional, but as I had to due to now being a “hands on dad”
Change creates opportunities, and this is what this is, an opportunity.
To better ME
What happens, happens
It will be what it will be, but I WILL be better for it
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
I am concerned that I have detached from W and dropped the rope (have not communicated to her for nearly 5 weeks now, and not replied to her message or call), but W’s anger, blame and projecting are now going elsewhere, i.e my children.
You can not control her. You can just be the best DAD possible, which is what it sounds like you are doing.
She is going to have to figure out that anger, blame and projection is not going to make her a good parent. You can not FIX their relationship
Detachment comes in stages too.
You will know when you are more detached. And then there will be even further to go.
DO you want to save your wife relationship with the children? That is not something you can do.
You can not control her. You can just be the best DAD possible, which is what it sounds like you are doing.
Yep, spot on, not trying, doing
Originally Posted By: Cadet
She is going to have to figure out that anger, blame and projection is not going to make her a good parent. You can not FIX their relationship
I know, I have changed my approach with the kids, now I say, look try not to get into arguments with mum, she is in a difficult place. Your relationship with your mum is down to you guys, its nothing to do with me (something like that)
The problem I have though, is that by removing myself from W's blame projections and anger it is going elsewhere, i.e. to the kids, which I am concerned about for them
Originally Posted By: Cadet
Detachment comes in stages too.
You will know when you are more detached.
And then there will be even further to go.
Completely agree with you. I went out for a poker night last night, and was there for about 6 hrs. I only realised when I was driving home that I hadnt actually thought of her the whole time, and was pleased with myself LOL. That was the first time I had REALLY noticed this. So yes, stages. Dont knwo what stage I'm on or how many there are, but will keep on keeping on
Originally Posted By: Cadet
DO you want to save your wife relationship with the children? That is not something you can do.
I want my kids to have a relationship with their mum and vice verse, yes. But I understand that this is between them, nothing to do with me and nothing I can do really
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
