Wow, this is already filled with really good advice, thank you so much.
I completely agree that my focus needs to be on fixing the problems that caused all of this in the first place. I have been putting full effort into everything that is coming out of the MC sessions and honestly doing my best while ignoring her shortcomings for now and just being glad that she is willing to work on things. She is also doing some of the things the MC is suggesting.
I don't want to admit it but I know you all are right about not obsessing over the OM and possible PA. If it's in the best interest of the relationship to not focus on getting info out of her about that for now then I will definitely follow that advice.
I don't want to minimize the problems that we are discussing in MC but it's hard for me to accept that they contributed to a PA since in my eyes they are relatively small things that have been going on but are also simple to fix. I know that she has a female friend that was out of her life for many years and is now back in it that I think is a major negative influence because the friend started hooking up with random guys from dating websites... so I think a combination of that influence and the issues we had is what led to the PA.
But how in the world do I stop thinking about the PA? It's consuming every minute of my day and even minutes that I should be sleeping. I think that the unknown of all of it is worse than the imagery of whatever really happened... since I'm just assuming all the worst in all situations.
I read the DR book a few weeks ago before she was willing to goto the MC and before I confronted her about the OM. I didn't find any specific advice about handling Infidelity in there if it was ongoing or not admitted. I think it was mostly strategies for once it's admitted. I will be looking at it again tonight though. There was definitely a lot of good info about fixing all the problems we have that caused all of this to begin with.
Btw, my W's sister is having a PA that my wife has been telling me about. My W continues to mention it in a very negative light and basically says that the H is going to be really mad about it, that her sister is in a lot of trouble when he finds out, and that her sister is definitely wrong for doing it. As I typed that out I thought to myself that if my wife had a PA that she is somehow expressing remorse by telling me about this? Maybe I'm reading too far into it. Thoughts?
Also, we were talking last night about my W's friend that is hooking up with the randoms and pregnancy came up bc her friend was worried about it and I said something about how a certain type of protection was only partially effective and my W basically said that she doesn't even know really because she's married so those things aren't even a concern anymore. Again, reading too much into things?
