No, Peter, it's not that extreme, but I understand your question.
"Nice guys" are not the same as "good guys". "Nice guys" are pleasers for selfish reasons; they do for others so that others will do for them. They are passive-aggressive. They avoid confrontation until they blow up, and then it's ugly. They appear soft and sensitive to others - especially women - but they usually have some pretty nasty baggage.
I read [edited by dbmod: reference not recommended nor allowed]about two months ago, and it was a 2x6 right in the head. It was like I was reading my life story. The book explores the "nice guy" syndrome (and how "nice guys" become "nice guys"), dissects it and then outlines steps to becoming a "good guy"; someone who gives freely, talks honestly, loves passionately, lives life to the fullest and enriches the lives of his family and friends. I think it is required reading for any man.
There is an associated website and a forum with a variety of topics. But be warned: the posters there are pretty hardcore when it comes to marriage and relationship issues. "Tell her you are not going to put up with any crap, and if she continues, kick her to the curb" seems to be a common response to WAW's.
I'm not pushing this on anyone. It did help me gain some insight into why I behaved the way I did in our marriage, and how to prevent those behaviors from appearing again. Your mileage may vary.
Last edited by dbmod; 12/31/1110:25 PM.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
