I've been married to my wife for 8 years and we have 2 kids together.
There was an OM that my wife was "just friends" with for like 2 months. She hung out with him many times and I suspect that she spent the night at his place a couple times. He has a young child but he lives with his parents still so thats debatable…
During that time she decided that she didn't want to be with me anymore. She said it was because of some legitimate relationship problems we have been having. She moved into our guest bedroom during this time.
After a while I got suspicious and started snooping. I found out about the OM and had her end their "friendship". I never found a smoking gun of evidence that there was a PA. However, I found some suspicious texts on her phone. Some of them I recovered from a text recovery software so I can't confirm which side of the conversation was my wife. The texts in question are to or from her female friend mentioning meeting up with him that night and "boning him". It could have been her friend meeting up with a guy because she was on a recent one-night stand kick due to her desperation. Or, it could have been my wife talking about finally doing it with the OM. Unfortunately, it's impossible to know which one.
I found texts on my wife's phone to a different female friend where my wife wanted to meet up with the OM one more time after I told her to end it for "closure" and the friend asked if she would be able to resist kissing him and said, "cuz kissing will lead to bumping uglies and then u will be back at square one". Also, at an unknown previous time the OM sent a text saying my wife looked hot in a shirt she was wearing. That's not something you normally say to someone that you don't have anything going on with.
After catching her at his house via a built-in GPS tracking feature on our cellphones I told her that she must not see him or talk to him ever again. She said she wouldn't. I recently found a prepaid cellphone that she hid that had his number programmed into it. However, the phone battery was dead and I have checked it the last 2 weeks and she hasn't charged it. So, I think that she may really have stopped talking to him. She doesn't know that I know about the cellphone because I don't want to admit to more snooping, especially if she's not talking to him anymore.
We started seeing a MC a few weeks ago. We have had 3 sessions. All 3 have been good and we are making progress with the things discussed. However, the only items that we are discussing have been the issues we had before the OM. Neither of us have mentioned anything about the OM.
I am finding that the OM is totally occupying my mind and I am obsessed with thinking about it. I am trying my hardest to overcome it but there are so many unknowns and so many conclusions that I'm jumping to that it's killing me. I literally can't go an hour without thinking about it in some way. It's definitely affecting my ability to reconcile our relationship.
My wife refuses to admit that the relationship was anything more than a friendship. I don't bring it up to my wife or the MC because I am afraid that she will continue to deny it and it will only cause us to split further apart. How do I approach that? I really want to know what went on, I'm not good at accepting that I may never know. How do I block the thoughts from dominating my life? But, if nothing really did happen then I'm going to completely push her away.
