Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

I just came back from H's place. (He still lives in our previous home and I live with kids in the house we bought just a month before he left...)

I went there to get the kids' health ins. cards for a dr's appointment and birth certificates for passports.

In the file box I found several love letters from OW... I am in so much pain. I know I should have not read them, but I did. Their bond is so strong... they are so integrated emotionally and physically. In the most recent one from a few days ago she tells my H that she will jump thru fire to be with him.

She is so positive, affectionate and upbeat in her letters. And so appreciative of everything he does for her and how happy he makes her.

They are "pappa tiger" and "mama tiger." H and I used to be "papa bear" and "mama bear"
There were cards she sent him when our baby boy was born in July.

There were also toys and clothes she gave him for our kids. Embroidered bibs with our 3-month old son's name and a baby tiger and his date of birth.

And when he brought the kids home on Sunday, I found a pink t-shirt she gave my 4-year old among the kids' clothes to wash... How could he be so insensitive and not make sure he didn't send stuff she gave them?


It's so painful. She is replacing me in EVERY way possible. How can I ever make any inroads - they are so connected and seem so happy. I cannot help but compare it to the R we had in the last few years. I don't blame him - ours was empty, routine, sad, we both had stopped giving.

And now I need to wipe the tears, go to the grocery store, pick up girls from pre-school and go to a playdate this afternoon.
Where do I find the strength to smile and continue raising 3 kids under the age of 4 while he is having a great time with her and being a part-time dad?

I feel so rejected - like an object that is now thrown to the trash because it's no longer pretty and fun and useful.

I don't want to give up. I want to win my H back. But how can I ever COMPETE with this situation?