First, and of the utmost importance: stop beating yourself up. You are not here single-handedly. Your W contributed to the demise of your marriage, too. And she owns 100% of the poor choices she has been making.
Second: I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to back off. I should condense and re-post my entire situation as a sticky titled "What not to do." I snooped. I initiated R talks. I could not let go until it was too late. If you don't listen to me, listen to 25. She has your situation and your reactions to it dialed in.
Every time you try to interact with your W about your marriage or the impending divorce it is like nails on the chalkboard to her. She does not care about your feelings, your pain, your financial and employment difficulties...she only cares about her own happiness.
The phrase "trying to push a rope up a hill" applies to many on this board who are doing just that, and they - we - are all getting the same results.
Our WAS's did not come to these decisions overnight. Many of them have been planning their exit strategies for months or even years, and once they make that decision to leave it is overdrive right out of the gate.
There is a new post today by Punchy titled "Time to Move On With My Life". Read it. It is sobering but very real, and unfortunately could be the script for nearly everyone here. As he points out, by the time we LBS's see the impending crisis and start to change, it is usually too late.
Am I suggesting you give up? No; that is a decision only you can make. I am saying that you need to put this away for now and look to yourself and your children. They need you. Your W does not. If she decides she has make a big mistake and wants to try to work through this, she will let you know.
Be a rock for your children and for yourself.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
