You may think that by wishing her well, you are giving her permission to leave and not look back.

That's not really true. She doesn't need your permission to leave and not look back, she can do that on her own.

By "setting her free", you will do three things: (1) you will unburden her, she won't need to do things to spite you, (2) you will convince her that you have changed, she would never expect this from you, and (3) you will make her wonder what's going on with you that you were able to get to this place.

That wonder is an itch that starts to grow. Then, if you "go dark", do not pursue, and do not communicate except for necessary children handoffs, the itch can get worse and worse until they WANT to re-engage to see what's going on. If at that point you seem to have yourself together, have found some happiness, and are OK on your own, you MAY be an attractive person for them to re-engage with.

That's really the only way to "pave the road back" from where you are right now. Guilt and blame will cut a valley you'll never be able to bridge.

--Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015