Confronted spouse...now he wont come home

[Nblost]

Hi, I wouldn't say he makes a fortune, but he makes good money. However, to me, it isn't worth it...his travel has always been hard, but at this point...feels like it is destroying us and our family. (and, I actually earn more in my job where I have a reasonable balance for life/family)

I did want him home earlier on Sunday...really just to see the kids. He got home at 9 pm (bedtime especially with the end of daylight savings) and then only saw them Monday evening before he left again this morning. His weekend was up in the air so they were hoping he'd be home earlier. I also struggle when we don't know for sure what time he will be home...I don't want to over-promise the kids and have them disappointed. This weekend should be much better--he has promised to be home for D8's birthday party and he has helped make a couple reservations for it.

I was tempted to have an R talk with him last night (we've been tiptoeing around our plans for the holidays...he has said he will spend them with us...I said that is great but it will be hard for me to be with our families). But, I gave him a hug instead and told him I didn't need to talk. We went to bed together and he held me while we fell asleep. When he left today, he gave me a small kiss on the lips. I realized he left and our 4-year old was in bed snuggling me...probably a good vision to leave in his head.

Yesterday, he asked me to lunch and it was fairly pleasant. Just hard at the end because he started talking about a new job possibility (bigger job/role and more centered in OW's city) and he also talked about joining a nonprofit board. OW is on at least one board and my H would have never been interested in something like that before (I can't recall him volunteering or giving to a charity in the 12+ years I have known him). Just a couple things in the mix of conversation...but brought me down. I held my tongue...I just questioned how much he is already gone and away from the family.

I feel like I am seeing more than 1% positive from him...but it is just so hard for me to trust or believe he isn't manipulating me to stay in the house. I know I need to continue to think positive. I also realize there are many men who would have fled already or been treating me worse.

Thank you for all the support...I really do need the encouragement to stay positive and try to do the "as if"s.

I also realize that at this point, I should try to make it through the holidays...that may be his timeline anyway. He's told me he needs a month or two to figure out if he wants to stay in the A.