Agreed, definitely write the letter Hopeful, get it out, just don't send it to him. Call a friend who you trust and enjoy and have a heart-to-heart conversation about how you're feeling. You need to spill it, you will want to spill it on H, but that will not help. Find someone else to absorb it for you.

When you are feeling this way, you are vulnerable. Recognize that. Write yourself a note not to initiate contact and to end conversations first. Write it on your hand if you need to. If he reaches out, do not escalate! You ARE making progress, and it's been hard won. Even small backsliding can wipe out lots of gains, because H will not believe that your changes are for real -- he needs to be *convinced* of that, so consistency is the most important thing for you right now.

Be strong, this is very, very hard. You have shown great strength so far, you should feel great about that -- it's so hard to do! If it helps to take your mind off things, I posted an update on my sich on the SSM forum, would love your thoughts.

--Accuray

--Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015