Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

H wants to be friends...

This is the part that I am struggling with. He currently is in love with OW. He says he wants to be friends - he cares about me and for the kids as well. We used to be best friends and he misses his friend. But, since he is with OW, wouldn't that be eating cake???

Regardless of that, I am struggling because this man has adopted her personality. He has completely forgotten who he is and what he is about and ever since he is with her, he completely mirrors her. He dresses as she likes, he now likes things, music and activities he never showed interest in and everything he talks about is related to either something she likes or that she has done.

That is what I cannot deal with when I am with him. It boils my blood. There are reminders of OW in EVERY interaction I have with him. Not that he does it on purpose, but he is so transparent...He is also trying to legitimize his R with her (present her as a recent girlfriend, rather than someone he has been cheating with for months) and he is slowly introducing her to our friends and having her do things I used to do with him.

But if I want to rebuild my M, shouldn't I be happy to start as a friend? Shouldn't I accept him as such and build from there? I was under the impression that that is the DB way... If so, how do I get past all these triggers? And why would he change anything - he would have OW as his girlfriend and me as a friend and co-parent of his three kids and he would also quiet his conscience and guilt.

i'd really appreciate someone's input on this - I am desperate and I feel I keep making things worse for myself...

thanks!