I hear you, been trying to keep that in perpective. It helps a ton having the reminder though. Thanks again.
And speaking of keeping perspective, the rest of yesterday was quite interesting. She asked me, since I had told her the night she dropped the bomb that I wanted the kids and would fight for them, would I get a lawyer if she filed papers right now. And she asked when I would start helping her with the transition if I didn't want the lawyers to get all our $. Wow, not ready for this conversation, and in thinking about my morning db session, it was screaming in my head to not engage in this conversation. Long long pause and I finally said I didn't know because I was trying not to look at that as an outcome. I told her I was focusing on myself and tyring get my head around why we are hear and how I played a part in getting here. Its hard to describe her reaction, but I could tell that she was listening so I pressed on. I told her that it was unfair for her to ask me to help in something that is the opposite of my own goals and I was very adamant in my tone (boundary setting?). Then I went back to discuss my working on myself, I told her about the things I have learned this week about therapy and how positive and forward thinking it can be. I told her I wouldn't ask her to go but that I am asking her to keep an open mind to learning about what I have this week and she nodded yes. I told her that because of her tone I could tell the time was not right for that but sometime later when she is ready. More nodding. I told her about some of my db session and specifically something I had come to an understanding on regarding one of the major issues she has with me. She thanked me for telling her. There were a couple of more topics regarding therapy and she was attentive through it all. I let her know that I thought we'd said enough for now and she replied she had to go anyway. I then also told her that I was reluctant to tell her many things right now because I think these are dangerous conversations. She said she understood. Now the zinger - the rest of the afternoon and evening she was so nice to me - more conversation (normal stuff) and pleasant tone. I had to leave town for a day or so and she gave me a hug on the way out the door. The first one she's initiated since the bomb. WTF! Is this the roller coaster or what? And then my 4 hr drive became a tense game of trying to convince myself to not have false hope, but really? I just can't believe she went from discussing papers and lawyers to giving me a hug. Stomach and back tied up in knots.
