Good job TMC, seems like you are on to something. I also recommend reading "The 5 Love Languages", huge help. My primary love language is also words, and my wife's is quality time.

Historically I would "send" love using words, but it really had no impact on W. It really is very critical to figure out how our partners need to be loved, and send it on the right channel, otherwise it just doesn't get through the way we think it should.

dbmod also made an excellent point I want to underscore:

"The catch--the more your learn about really loving someone else, if you use books like 5LL: is that you expect to receive your own needs being met in your love language. I see it all over the board. Sometimes that works, and sometimes it just takes so much longer. Learn to really give first. And then learn to really be patient in teaching your spouse to love you. It is so worth it!"

Once you feel you've got it figured out and you're making H very happy, you'll expect to receive back in kind. If this doesn't happen, know that it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. The key is to be OK with yourself, and you seem to do pretty well on that scale already. You really are very strong with the way you've handled things, and I'm sure that's a bit intimidating to H as well since he wants to be the protector.

Keep doing what you're doing, your friend is on to something. If you look back over your posts from a few weeks ago, I'm sure you'll see progress -- celebrate that!

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015