Hi TMC, my H is exactly the same way. He also holds his feelings inside, letting them fester. He said he felt "beat down" by the way I would correct him, and make him feel like less than a man, by the words I used. I, too began to build him up again. I quit disagreeing with him, even if inside I did disagree. There was just no point in it. He told me that when he was a kid he always felt weak. Now, this guy is 6 ft 3, but he felt like that. That really made me feel bad, because I contributed to that, too. Now, I ask him what he thinks before I put my two cents in.
The sad thing was that I am a Christian, and I got into those bad habits of treating him badly before I became one, and didn't realize how bad it was.
Does your H work 11 to 7? If so, ugh, those are hard hours. But, sometimes quite a bit of time when nothing is going on. When my H works those hours, I will tell him if he wants to, to call me, even at 2 am. I think you are doing fine, that friend who is giving you advice is a smart lady. Keep building him up. I think he is a lot like my h, and that is something that really works. He has to know that he is important. Cops see a lot of really awful stuff; my H tells me some of what happens, and I can't imagine having to deal with that every day. And I let him tell me, because I would rather he unburden to me than to someone else.
