Things have been pretty quiet on the home front. House is almost completely cleaned (with the exception of the laundry room. Need to get several items dry cleaned) and I feel so relieved. Trying to keep the kids from spilling juice and dropping candy on the rug or couch is a different story.
For whatever reason, I just remembered a series of dreams that I had during our last fight. Every dream I had centered around H and him saying that everything was a big misunderstanding. While he was meeting up with OW #2 (recently found out that she was basically a replacement for OW #1 - an old girlfriend from high school) I was dreaming about us reconciling. He was pleading for me to stay and work it out with him. Eerily similar to what he said on Saturday night - he promised to tell her that he wanted to stay and work things out, but asked that I give him a few days. Again, I just nodded in response.
I'm all caught up as far as work goes. Being a freelancer gives me so much freedom, but the money isn't always good. Just for the sake of stability, I've started to look for a job outside the home again. Maybe something good will come of it. I am also going to form a business in the next few weeks. Original plan was to make H a co-owner, but I'm not really sure about that anymore.
H ended up falling asleep early tonight as he's sick. He came home directly from work and helped me to put the girls asleep. When I went into the bedroom earlier he asked me if I was okay and apologized for conking out. I told him it was okay and that I understood that he was tired. Most of the time I believe less than half of what he says, but from the way that he's been snoring for the last few hours, he'd have to be one heck of an actor to pretend.
Next counseling session is this weekend. So far, I'm really impressed with this guy. He sent us an email suggesting some reading materials for us to look over. Even though H kept saying that he wanted to end things (after which, he promptly flip-flopped again) I guess the counselor could see his apprehension. This guy is definitely pro-marriage and H really related to him. I'm still pretty shocked that he set up another session, let alone so soon.
I plan on going shopping for art supplies within the next few days. My oldest daughter has shown that she has real talent and is interested in learning. My plans are to host Thanksgiving at home for the first time, like ever. For whatever reason, my mother is upset about my decision. I've been doing through many problems with her as H is going through issues with his own mother. I can't imagine spending the holidays with them both, and thankfully, his mother has not even mentioned coming here.
For now, I am holding off on moving out of the bedroom. After reading DB again (and again) I realize that 'going dark' might not be right for now. Besides, I always have the option of pulling out the last stop if the situation gets worse. I am not happy about him being a lying, deceitful cheat, however, pulling out completely might have the opposite of my desired response. I've always pulled away from him when angry. I saw that being more supportive yielded great results for a period of time, so I'm going to try what worked again. The only problem I have is with physical intimacy. Aside from being not knowing where he has been, I also have to get over that mental block. I guess we'll see what happens in the next few days.
