What do I do next?

[Accuray]

Luvhurts49,

So you understand what you need to do, but you don't know how. Don't feel badly about that, it goes against our nature. It goes against our instincts, in many ways we have to "do the opposite", and act contrary to how we're feeling, and that's just plain unnatural.

I definitely recommend the telephone coaching on this site. I was very skeptical and only paid for one consultation to begin with, but after that first hour I was 100% convinced, because things were SO much better for my state of mind afterwards. I worked with Cheryl.

One technique she recommended, which I think is also in DB, is to rate how you're feeling about the things that are bothering you on a 10 point scale. For instance, if you feel lonely, how lonely are you on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being "not lonely at all". If you're a "2", ask yourself why you're not a "1" -- what makes you better than a "1"? That's how you celebrate what you're doing well and reinforce what's working. Don't skip that step, it's tempting to do so because we tend to focus on the negative.

Then, you ask what you'll be *doing* differently when you're a 3? Then, start doing those things even though you don't feel like it, and set a goal to reassess in a week. Usually, when you reassess, you'll be at 3. Once again, ask why you're better than 2, and what you'll be doing differently when you're a 4, and start doing those things, etc.

The key here is what will you be *doing*, not how will you be feeling. You can control what you're doing. You want to set modest goals too. Your instinct will be that if you're a 2, to try to figure out how to be a 10 -- you can't do it, you can't have a reasonable plan to improve that much. You have to focus on going up one notch per week, and if that's too much, then focus on half a point. Once you begin seeing progress, no matter how small, you'll feel better, and you'll make more progress because you're encouraged.

As others have said, do the things that bring you great enjoyment, do the things you've always wanted to do but never had the time. Learn to play an instrument, take up a new sport, take a night class once per week. Look for things that will give you the opportunity to meet people in a non-threatening environment and bond over a shared interest.

This will be outside of your comfort zone -- it's hard to overcome the inertia. On the other hand, your comfort zone is gone, so there's no reason not to put yourself out there, what's going to make your situation worse by getting out and meeting people? You need to do some work to GAL and take a chance right now, that's all there is to it. That WILL make you feel better.

Also, I took AD, it was not a wonder drug. Sometimes it helped a little, sometimes not at all. For me, it didn't compare to calling an old friend on the phone and having a heart to heart, that cheered me up more than anything, you could try that to, reconnect with someone you haven't spoken to in a long time, but you used to enjoy.

Hope that helps!

Accuray