Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

I am back to post about this rollercoaster ride...

Had a couple of bad weeks.

My daughters' BD was on Halloween. H and both sets of grandparents came over. Had a great time, cake, trick or treating. BUT, H started texting OW - he had promised not to do it. I let it slide. Before leaving he said he had gotten some passes for Disneyland from a "friend of a friend" I just replied "I am not even going to go there..." he seemed shocked and asked what was wrong. I told him - we both know who this friend is and I don't know why you feel the need to give me this info, when I don't ask. It's rude and disrespectful - specially in my house...

Next day - we take the girls to Disneyland to celebrate birthday. As soon as he arrives he says "I heard that the princess beauty parlor is great." I don't know I am just learning about these things, but it sounds great, shouldn't we do it?"

I know OW has two daughters and that they went to Disn. (thru facebook pictures). I just lost it. I asked him why he came and try to suggest that we celebrate OUR daughter's birthday the way OW is suggesting to him. I was sooo hurt. I told him how cruel and insensitive he was being and that he had started the night before with his texts and commments about discounts. I told him he had ruined both Halloween and now daughter's birthday for me. We had a huge fight - he denied any wrong-doing... I was exagerating and I was out of control and I was the one ruining the day.

Luckily MIL also went with us, so H drove with her. I cried all the drive down there and then some. It took me a good two hours to cheer up and start enjoying my time with my daugthers.

And yesterday, I found another major lie. We had agreed (or so I thought) that he would not expose our kids to OW. And I found out from my 4-year old daughter, that OW was with them the day before and even brought her a present for her birthday.

I confronted him and he did not feel any remorse. He said he never agreed to anything and he wants OW to get to know our kids and develop a R with them. He is very confident that she will be great with them cause she is a great mother and loves kids.

Every time I find out something like this, it's like finding out about his betrayal all over again. Same horrible physical and emotional pain and I lose it and cannot control myself when I am with him. He just acts so clueless, like he is not doing anything wrong. And I feel so humiliated and rejected. This OW is literally replacing me - she is taking over my life - my husband, our friends, my place as his wife, and now she wants to have a R with my children.


That conversation happened on the phone yesterday on his way to pick up OW to drive to a work convention they have this week.

He actually said he needed to go and could talk 20 minutes later. And when I called back, OW was in the car with him! He wanted to continue talking to me in front of her! I could not believe it. I was so mad, I even asked him if I could talk to her. Of course he denied (thank goodness, or I don't know what I would even have said to her). I was not even thinking when I asked him to put her on the phone. I could just hear her telling him "tell her you'll call back later"

He actually hung up on me. I then sent him a bad text message asking how they could both continue lying. I told him I had no respect for OW since she cheated on her H and lied to her kids and that he could show her my text. I said that I was being judgemental about her because I am very protective of who hangs out with my children and she is not someone I want around them. I told him I felt so bad for our kids and that I could not understand how they could be so selfish and hurt so many people.

I know... none of this was good detachment or DB work.

The constant lies, insensitivity, retracting from statements and promises made, etc. - all of those continue triggering me. I know I need to get a hold of my emotions now and be stronger for when things happen.

I was making so much progress with him and everything came crumbling down with the discovery of how serious he was with OW at the end of June. Now, we constantly argue and when we do, I call him a liar, a cheater, etc, ask about OW, how could he do this, etc. and just get in this vicious circle.

Now, not only does he not recognize any of the changes I was making, but he says I have never tried to change or ever loved him because I have always treated him badly. That is ultimately all he can remember about our R when I lose control and he is now more intent than ever in filing for D so he can start a life with OW.

Detachment - that is what I need to focus on this week while he parties with OW at the convention.