Sorry for the long absence, we are kicking off two major projects here at work that's been keeping me busy... and to be honest there hasn't been any Earth shaking news on the sitch.
The stbx and I had a date about two weeks ago and it went pretty good. We had a lot of laughs, and we did talk serious for only about 5-10 minutes. I asked her if she was happy and she said no. I then told her I am not happy myself, but I am content and that I am grateful that I've learned a lot about myself and appreciate that I am fixing somethings about myself. I then told her that I am secure enough now that I know I will be fine no matter what our outcome is, but that I still preferred keeping the family together. She said "you never know what can happen".
Oddly, after that pleasant evening, contact was at a minimum for the following week. It was only logical texts about the D8.
The following Saturday she dropped off our daughter and I could tell she didn't want to stay. We chatted for a minute and I asked if everything was ok and she said she wondered at times if we should detach from each other so that we don't confuse our daughter, and then she left rather quickly. About an hour later we started a text conversation and she pretty much told me she was very stressed and that she was also mad that I am fixing and doing all of the things that she begged me to do all these years. I told her I thought she would be happy for me and she said she was, but that she was also hurt and disappointed.
So... that got me wondering... maybe the DB techniques are working some.
There was then minimal contact again for a few days until an evening last week when she asked me to come visit our D8 because she was struggling and stressing about the divorce. D8 has been amazing and showing no signs of worry or stress until that day last week. I stopped over, we talked and assured her it wasn't her fault and that mom and dad were trying to work on our problems. I ended up staying for nearly four hours and had dinner and helped with homework. We had a very nice evening.
But then again, after I left, there was minimal contact.
I think what's hurting me lately is the lack of contact on the day to day stuff. We used to communicate throughout the day to talk about how our day was going, how we felt, traded funnies, and things like that. But it has come to a complete stop now.
This past weekend was difficult for me because it was the first weekend in 5 weeks that I was alone. I didn't hear from her all weekend, until fairly late last night. The stbx said they were on they way home from a girl friend's house that's about 50 miles away and that they were stuck in traffic and wanted to know if they could just crash at the house since her apartment is another 20-30 minutes away. I was anxious to see D8, and I also wondered if it was an excuse to see me because she had something she wanted to say or talk about.
After they arrived, we quickly got D8 to bed and sat on the couch and talked for about 20-30 minutes about her job, week, and weekend. It was very pleasant. For good or bad though, I did listen, but I am sure I was giving off a "I don't care" vibe. I didn't face her and stare at her while listening, but I did engage in the conversation. She faced me and had her feet very close to me and would occasionally brush me with her toes, and she even mentioned 2-3 times that her legs were killing her. That's usually my cue to tickle and rub her, but I didn't do it.
She finally declared that she was sleepy and went up to a guest bedroom to sleep.
I was really looking forward to having a cup of coffee with her this morning, but she got up before the alarm went off and came in to tell me that she was going to her place to get ready for work because she didn't have any makeup at the house.
I felt like the pleasant, but a little detached mood that I displayed would be good for DB'ing, but now I wonder if it back fired.
She met us at the daycare for the drop off and we walked out together and chatted for a second. When I looked her in the eyes, I felt a spark and I feel like it was there for her too. But after a few seconds we clumsily said good bye and she reached out for a friendly hug.
I guess I will continue to remain dark and see what happens.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
