What do you think confronting your W about the OM would accomplish? Would it make you hurt any less?
In some cases that you "know" gives a sense of relief. Now, they don't have to tell you. And your knowing really doesn't change anything, except it adds another layer of hurt.
This may sound harsh, (so read it with compassion and a soft voice): She's told you she wants a divorce. You confronting her and or telling her Dad or her friends that you think won't support her in this decision, won't play out anything like you might hope for. All it would probably do is drive her further away. I know that doesn't feel possible, but it is.
There were days when it was all I could do to get up and put one foot in front of the other. You do what you can for you and the kids, period. Doesn't mean you have to be an a$$ towards her and believe me, we all know how hard it is to act "as if". When you don't think you can pull it off, stay away.
The concept of going "dark" is really for you. It gives you some breathing space and lets you learn coping mechanisms for when you do need to interact in person. Even then, you can be blindsided. Learn to walk away with an "I've got some things to take care of now, I'll have to get back to you" if something wells up.
I will tell you that I fought with myself about what to do early on (and not so early on). What has worked best for me is acknowledging that regardless of any legal action, my H emotionally divorced me before he ever moved out and that I have absolutely no ability to influence anything he chooses to do. That only leaves me.
I know you've heared that you can only control yourself. As much as it sux, it's true. That's why the focus has to be on you and your kids.
You need some time and space to stop hurting so badly. If you make major decisions now, you're just reacting. Not a good thing to do.
