It is obvious to me that this OM has filled some emotional need of hers for some time and instead of my W reaching out to me, she continued having this EA both during work and after work (through texting).
So now I'm left with all these excuses that my W has given me over the last few months that has given me reasons to blame myself for why things went wrong while she has not brought any blame upon herself. Now I'm not saying that I didn't play a part in this, but I see now that it is more than just me that is to blame.
Right there with you. My STBXW started her long-distance EA about a year ago (thank you, Facebook) and was constructing her plan to be with the OM long before this past August.
We can own 50% of the marriage troubles. No more, no less. Did we make mistakes? Yes. Did we say and do things that were hurtful and less than honorable? Yes. Did we still invest in our marriages and try to keep them intact? Yes.
Our W's, unfortunately, did not feel the same need for investment. It was easier to find comfort with someone new than to work on the hard details with someone not-so-new.
I don't think "delusional" is quite the right term, but our chances of seeing our marriages remain intact are greatly lessened by the presence of the OM's. They represent everything we are not, and they are the "saviors" of our W's perceived shattered dreams.
Like you, I still love my W, but I love who she used to be, not who she is now. If she called me in the next 5 minutes begging me to take her back, I don't know if I could do that.
Try to keep looking forward and not reminiscing about "what was" because "what was" is gone. Don't let her and the OM live in your head for free. Easier said than done, but it is the only way you will have a fighting chance of being stronger and more confident with yourself. And that is the best result of all of this.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
