What do I do next?

[luvhurts49]

Last night I started thinking about all the conversations, events, and other things that has happened in the last year or so and I think that there are some pieces that now fit better knowing that there is OM in the picture.

In August of this year, we went on a family vacation and 4 days after we returned, my W left. All this time I was thinking that something happened after we got back, but now I see that this is something that she has had in the works for months now.

I remember that earlier this year, my W had given the OM some advice on breaking up with his GF (at the time) and having her and her S move out of his place. At the time, I didn't think much of it, but now I see that this is the beginning in a long drawn out plan.

It is obvious to me that this OM has filled some emotional need of hers for some time and instead of my W reaching out to me, she continued having this EA both during work and after work (through texting).

So now I'm left with all these excuses that my W has given me over the last few months that has given me reasons to blame myself for why things went wrong while she has not brought any blame upon herself. Now I'm not saying that I didn't play a part in this, but I see now that it is more than just me that is to blame.

After talking with many family and friends (including a friend of hers that called me up out of the blue), they have all stated that she is gone and won't be coming back and that I should just accept that and move on. How do you move on from the one woman that I have loved unconditionally for 20 years? Everyone says that it is hopeless, but yet, I still have hope. Am I delusional for keeping hope alive? I still love my W, I love my kids, and I love us being a family. How can I just give up on that? How can I just ignore that I love my W even though she has had a PA and I still want her back? I am a mess--a shell of my former self lost in depression, sorrow, and misery and I don't see any escape from feeling this way.