Alcoholic H wants D part 2.....

[25yearsmlc]

I both want to be married AND am very scared.
but im not scared of the typical being alone like some people..Ive been a single mom and am a very independent person. I know it can be done and have been happy in that place.

Many women can't say this ^^^ so you are ahead of the game here.

As a matter of fact when me and H first seperated I was very happy alone. I have been living with an alcoholic for 15 plus years and it felt great to have that out of my life.

of course it did. Makes sense to me.


but when he began his recovery i saw potential for us for the first time and was falling in love with him all over again...I had hope.


I read your post verysad with the advice and thought it was great...i did think back before the bomb and no i didnt like him much but like he was saying also, did not want to lose my family over this and was still clinging to that fact that he was going to make some changes, were i went wrong was not realizeing that there were changes to be made on my part also

it's sort of a hard lesson to learn when someone has been drinking for so long. Easy to stare at THAT, as "THE problem" when in fact it's just a big one...

...well, i realized it, just didnt act on it and THAT is were my guilt comes from. I could have stopped this and was to hard headed and self involved to do it.

Understood. And assuming you also mean your anger issue in there ^^^ too...

Of course he went to OW...she understood were he was at and didnt expect anything out of him that would resemble working on a relationship. it was easy. I made it easy....I practically handed him to her on a silver platter...

THese are important insights to cling to when revisions beginn.

25...i have to say there have been times the past couple of days I didnt like you very much..:) Some of the things you are calling me on are hard to face

sorry about that. Some people say I'm an acquired taste... I know I'm direct. Thing is, do you really want to just have us validate all your actions, or to push you to clarify your goals and make sure the actions match?

..but the one thing im sure of is i did have to file to take care of us.

THEN THAT IS THE FOCUS and the straw that broke your back and you will need to stay on message with it. Seriously.

We really have been living at just above poverty level and he has been haveing a pretty easy time of it financially. Ive asked him several times if he could help out a bit more and he says ill see what I can do..and then nothing.

Now he will HAVE to...it's called living life on life's terms. I'm sure he's heard that line before.



I just spent my grocery money this week on replacing my sons retainer that he broke a week ago...and i did inform H about this and got the same response and then .....nothing. Well, he did come fix my truck, but thats not going to feed my kids...

Well...to be fair, it helps. But soon enough you'll get a set amount you can rely on. Hopefully it'll be enough.


I do work and have a disabled son that lives with me also...who, by the way, has been raised by H since he was 2 and has not heard one word from H in 3 months. Not even on his birthday. They were very close and S was very attached to H. He talks about H all the time, to the point that S14 said he didnt want to hear him anymore, it makes him feel "crappy"

wow...so there's some shame that is paralyzing him? Geez, what a sitch. And what a coward. I GUESS it beats drinking to get "the courage" up...good grief. OTOH you need to keep the road home paved and smooth EVEN IF it's just the road to the kids. For their sake.

Theres a lot of hurt going around on everybodys part im sure.
I know i did what i had to do, but sometimes what you have to do and what you want to do are no were near the same thing.

Sad but true.

And im still sad, even if I was the one to file doesnt make it any less something i do not want....

I know that. But it does have to be enough for you TO KNOW that you are not second guessing yourself...make sense?

He put you in that financial position and for THAT PART< he has only himself to blame.