Are there any success stories here?

[sandi2]

And here is where I was shocked: She said she had been feeling good about "us" the past couple of weeks, until I went and did this. That was the first time in several months I had any feed back that indicated a softening stance

Script! She's not the first WAW to say that, and she won't be the last.

In the future, do not apologize for anything over one time....and one time only. It makes a man looker weaker in the eyes of most WAW's when they keep on apologizing for something they can't undo.

[sandi2]

I didn't even take time to read what Bond said, so it's pretty much repeating his advice.

Repeating advice on DB board is stronger.
Repeating apologies to WAW is weaker.

[MynameisMZ]

NTX...I'm a success story.

[bustorama]

NTX, don't beat YOURSELF up over mistakes you've made in the past or recently. You can't time travel. You can forgive yourself and act differently in the future. Don't buy into the blame game, the "you had a chance and it's now gone" script.

Admit your fault where there was one, apologize sincerely, validate your W's hurt and make an amend as appropriate, and then move forward for yourself.

Like others have said, it is easy to feel like you are walking on eggshells around your WAS. That any wrong move will be the dealbreaker, the straw that drives them away for good, the one missed opportunity. Sometimes they will say that to you. (THAT'S IT, I KNEW YOU HADN'T REALLY CHANGED!). In the moment, it seems so real, that you lost your window of opportunity, that you blew it.

It's not true. Perhaps they say that to justify their continued waywardness, perhaps they really were softening and it is how they feel in that moment of hurt. Who knows, don't try to mindread it.

Instead, focus on yourself and your choices. Keep living your life, being the best (imperfect) guy you can be. If the window back is there, she will open it, and the occasional eff up on your part will not deter her.

[workinghardguy]

NTX... You've owned up to your own issues and agreed to work on them. That is more than most people ever do. You will mess up from time to time because you're human. But quite frankly, if your W isn't willing to give you that much slack it was never going to work in the first place.

The other side of the coin is... you are working hard on you. If she can't see that and appreciate it, well, then maybe at some point you are better off without her and with someone who will appreciate it. This is totally me projecting my own feelings onto your sitch, but consider it at least. Just don't shoulder all the blame yourself.

[greenblue90]

Just posting to further drive the point home.

Its script, and a very intentional dagger in your heart. I've had this one used on me before too, and it [censored]. Eventually you'll see them for what they are not take them seriously, and if you say the right words will even see them decrease, and maybe slowly disappear.

Haven't been following your sitch, but I'm sure she'll use it again.

Just say a variation of this:

"I'm sorry you feel this way, but there's nothing we can do, this is the path we both are on now".

Here's the thing many WAW's don't want to need you, but want to be needed. Be strong learn not to need her, its your best hope of winning her back.

[ncl]

How are things going, NTX?

[NTX_Dad]

NTX...I'm a success story.

Hello MZ. That's encouraging to hear. I will search for your posts and get familiar with your sitch! thanks!

[NTX_Dad]

NTX, don't beat YOURSELF up over mistakes you've made in the past or recently. You can't time travel. You can forgive yourself and act differently in the future. Don't buy into the blame game, the "you had a chance and it's now gone" script.

..

..

Instead, focus on yourself and your choices. Keep living your life, being the best (imperfect) guy you can be. If the window back is there, she will open it, and the occasional eff up on your part will not deter her.

Thanks bustorama, I appreciate the points, they are well taken.

It was kind of a mixed back this weekend. I'll update my sitch in a few minutes.

[NTX_Dad]

NTX... You've owned up to your own issues and agreed to work on them. That is more than most people ever do. You will mess up from time to time because you're human. But quite frankly, if your W isn't willing to give you that much slack it was never going to work in the first place.

The other side of the coin is... you are working hard on you. If she can't see that and appreciate it, well, then maybe at some point you are better off without her and with someone who will appreciate it. This is totally me projecting my own feelings onto your sitch, but consider it at least. Just don't shoulder all the blame yourself.

Thanks workinghardguy!

What's ironic is that I hear what you are saying, and *I* just gave that advice to someone else here over the weekend. This young man's girlfriend dumped him and he fixed his mistakes but she won't talk to him at all. I told him that she didn't deserve him if she can't see past that.

And really that's where I am at. My stbx even told me about a week ago that she was mad that I am fixing my issues and getting a life because she was begging me to do it for years. I told her I was sorry she felt that way but that I am doing it all for myself. So she has noticed... maybe sometime soon she will start believing it.