Alcoholic H wants D part 2.....

[imthemom]

I both want to be married AND am very scared.
but im not scared of the typical being alone like some people..Ive been a single mom and am a very independent person. I know it can be done and have been happy in that place. As a matter of fact when me and H first seperated I was very happy alone. I have been living with an alcoholic for 15 plus years and it felt great to have that out of my life. but when he began his recovery i saw potential for us for the first time and was falling in love with him all over again...I had hope.
I read your post verysad with the advice and thought it was great...i did think back before the bomb and no i didnt like him much but like he was saying also, did not want to lose my family over this and was still clinging to that fact that he was going to make some changes, were i went wrong was not realizeing that there were changes to be made on my part also...well, i realized it, just didnt act on it and THAT is were my guilt comes from. I could have stopped this and was to hard headed and self involved to do it.
Of course he went to OW...she understood were he was at and didnt expect anything out of him that would resemble working on a relationship. it was easy. I made it easy....I practically handed him to her on a silver platter...
25...i have to say there have been times the past couple of days I didnt like you very much..:) Some of the things you are calling me on are hard to face..but the one thing im sure of is i did have to file to take care of us. We really have been living at just above poverty level and he has been haveing a pretty easy time of it financially. Ive asked him several times if he could help out a bit more and he says ill see what I can do..and then nothing. I just spent my grocery money this week on replacing my sons retainer that he broke a week ago...and i did inform H about this and got the same response and then .....nothing. Well, he did come fix my truck, but thats not going to feed my kids...
I do work and have a disabled son that lives with me also...who, by the way, has been raised by H since he was 2 and has not heard one word from H in 3 months. Not even on his birthday. They were very close and S was very attached to H. He talks about H all the time, to the point that S14 said he didnt want to hear him anymore, it makes him feel "crappy" Theres a lot of hurt going around on everybodys part im sure.
I know i did what i had to do, but sometimes what you have to do and what you want to do are no were near the same thing. And im still sad, even if I was the one to file doesnt make it any less something i do not want....