She knows where I am most of the time and knows she could join me if she pleases.
Okay, this is where you need to start. You are too predictable. Change it up so that she has no idea what you're doing or where you might be. That promotes the mystery that Michele talks about in her DR book.
IMHO, your W uses "you" to blame for all her problems. If you are removed, then she has to look elsewhere. Hopefully, it would press her to work on her depression and attitude. Who wants to be around somebody like that the rest of their life? That is what she needs to think about herself.
From what you say, she has developed a nasty attitude toward the world. You cannot change that, and you should not try. She's a grown woman and will either make good decisions or bad. For now, you need to stay out of her way and not influence her decisions or she'll blame you. See what I mean?
Since there are no children, you have the perfect opportunity to go dark. She needs to see that she left the best thing that ever happened to her.....YOU! As long as she can pop in whenever she wants.....that's taking you for granted, don't you think? So, you need to either have company over or be gone for the next several, several nights.
I suggest you not watch her on the computer b/c that only keeps your wound infected. You have to pull away in order to heal and to work on yourself. You can't if you are watching her.
Turn your phone off. If she gets mad, let her get mad. It's your life, your phone.....you have a right to peace & quite if you want that. If she does catch you at work, you tell her that you have to go b/c of work. Not a good time, etc. If she catches you at home, you are on your way out the door. She'll ask questions....but she does not have that right to know, anymore. You may have to remind her of that.
If you do talk to her, it must be as if you were talking to a kid sister or a co-worker that you had no personal interest in. Keep it nice, but stay cool. Do not fall into emotional traps, and she will set them.
Every LBH is scared to death he will push the WAW further away. But, a WAW must see that she is loses something in order to want to return to the M and be willing to work at it. At this point, your W has no interest at all. Her only interest is keeping you dangling at the end of a rope. She's controlling your life even when she's not there. You need to show her that you control your own life. You do that by GAL, not being so available to reach, being emotionally detached from her and the drama she brings into the R.
It all sounds opposite from what you'd expect, but it works, if you'll stick with it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
