First time here

[25yearsmlc]

I have been married for almost 10 years. My husband cheated on me 7 months ago and it was a 6 month relationship.

What did HE SAY the reasons for the affair were? Were any of those reasons at all valid?

I have move pasted that,

how did you accomplish that?


we are trying to hold it together and it is not going well.


do you mean that merely staying together is "trying to hold it together"?

I mean are you getting therapy or doing something different?

If not, then it's just doing more of the same behaviors but expecting a different result. They call that the definition of insanity


He still thinks the grass is greener on the other side and I THINK, not sure he now want to seperate.

What have YOU done to show him that the grass is greener at home?


I want to continue to work on saving our marriage. We are in therapy, but he feels like he just gets beat up there.

What does "work on saving" the m mean to YOU?

Okay...so does that mean you want him to see the past the same way? Or does it mean that the t rehashes the past or what? Why does he feel beat up?

Or is it b/c his behavior is destructive to the m and he doesn't want that pointed out?

Between work, our 2 boys ages 7 and 5, and our rocky marriage he feels like he just can not continue working on things. He feels like things are getting worse not better.

is he correct? Why do you think HE feels that way?

I fell like this is a process that we have to work through,

meaning the rehashing or what? See, I've had some nice well meaning t's but on occasion they DO make it worse.

DBing is about doing what works/helps NOW TODAY, and NOT doing what hurts the m...

a simple but radically different approach called "solution based therapy" is what DBing is about. Not endless rounds of "what happened and why?" The past matters and so do childhood problems BUT they are NOT what this site and approach are about...


but his foot is out the door. I do not know what to do to stop it.

You cannot stop it. You can only be the better choice. Become a woman only a fool would leave.

Be upbeat, with a PMA. Basically you have to show him through YOUR BEHAVIOR that

marriage to you, from this day forward, can be better and different than before.



We are having A TALK tonight. I am not sure what is going to happen. I need some support and advice. I want to save us so bad!

Decide nothing but listen to him. Hear what he says and understand that he can change his mind. Not much is truly irrevocable.

Here are some other tips for newcomers that you can use to get you through the next few weeks.

ALSO PLEASE try having a DB coaching session/ NOT sure what you are paying your t, but DBing is actually cheaper than our t was around here since ours was not covered by insurance anyhow...

and the DB coach was the single best thing I did to save our m...and trust me, I did a lot. I had a good mc, and had seen a t, and DB'd and prayed and went to Mass and the whole 9 yards...