as he's shown so many times in the past, his morals just aren't there
It could be so much more than morals, it could be deeply ingrained in him since you mention his relatives, his friends behave similarly.
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1. Being monogamous and rededicating ourselves to working at maintaining our relationship. Yes, I believe this is realistic because we don't have a problem with the frequency or intensity of our 'sessions.' He chooses to go out and find women that fulfill his emotional needs. That much I've been able to gather.
I'm confused. What do you mean about the frequency or intensity of your sessions? Above you mention that just because he's not with anyone else doesn't mean you want to be intimate again. All talk is just that--all talk.
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2. Continue to focus on myself and only talk about R stuff at counseling sessions. He prompted more than one R talk last night, and I did most of the listening. I'm going to continue with this.
And so what are you looking to achieve by this? In DB terms, it is a 'to do' item, not a relationship goal. I think you are on the right track, it's a good idea, but what is the end result?
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3. We will both be establishing our emotional needs and we will work at them. I will continue to GAL, stabilize my finances and not respond rashly. He will be transparent and work on forgiving himself.
So how will that look to those around you when you achieve this? What is the first sign your best friend will notice? What will you both be doing differently?
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5. I think that I will know that things have turned around for certain when we are both feeling better about ourselves. We like to spend time together when we are happy.
So what does feeling better about yourselves look like? Again, how would your best friend know you are feeling better about yourself? How would a coworker know? What will you and your H be DOING differently?
When you are happy and spending time together, what are you both DOING? (hint, hint: don't wait, START THERE)
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5. It will always take an effort to make these changes permanent, but there will come a point when it just comes naturally. That's what I'm hoping for. Stability, a set routine and transparency.
Part of this may be unrealistic: it may not come 'naturally'--and that is really ok. Working at it doesn't mean it has to feel like work--actually working at it can become FUN! Stability can mean many things, but what it should never mean is boring. complacent, and taking each other for granted. Routine can be comforting, but has to be open to change (did this lead him to stray to begin with--does he do well with routine--if not, expecting it may be unreasonable--work together to define what can be on routine and what won't work for him.
Transparency--you probably do need this. How will you know you are getting it?
I hope this is helpful for you.
I like your initial gameplan, you seem to have a good heart and head.
